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too much too fast cant move forward

Community Member
I split from my childrens dad after 4 years. I moved away with our children. I finally met someone and long story short I fell pregnant. I kept it to myself even from the biological father. I cried everyday and tried to ignore I was pregnant til I contacted my ex and just blurted everything out.

No matter what, I felt some sort of comfort from him as we shared such precious memories previously. He knew me better than anyone. I was vulnerable. He supported me to an extent. We got talking about getting back together and started making plans on the promise itll be a fresh start and id end my pregnancy. He said how he never stopped loving me and hes not moved on. I felt like I belonged and this man was genuine. So I went through with what I have always been against. I aborted my baby. Im so heartless. I cry everyday. I cant eat or close my eyes. I see pregnant people everywhere and I start balling in public. Even looking at my remaining children I know iv messed up so bad to the point I dont think I will ever move forward and be at peace. Not long after my horrible decision was finalized I found out my ex (soon to be partner again) had cheated on me previously. not just sex. Full on love letters etc. He used the names he used to call me which I thought was sacred and that was apart of our bond. I am totally shattered. He says hes so sorry and was the biggest mistake ever. It was some time ago now that he did but iv just found out. 6 days since Im without my baby. Without love. Iv given everything up for a life that never existed. Was all lies. Who am I? There's no going back. I want my baby
2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi MissM, welcome to Beyond Blue forums,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Being a male and 58yo doesnt exlude guys like me feeling your pain.

My gut feeling is that your former partner loves you a lot, has made some errors and is remorseful.

I'd give him a try again. You dont need to move in together. Think about it more.  Life is full of hurdles, land mines and people that do unpredictable things. If we can live with some blemishes and forgive, we can move forward with new goals and new rules.

It's up to you and others might not agree with my advice. Your ex partner is at least a friend.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi missmumba,

Thank you so much for being so brave and sharing your experience with us. I hope that we can offer you some much needed support as you go through such a challenging time.

I'm really sorry for how you are feeling in relation to the termination. I won't say too much, but I can empathise with you. WK is right, it is a loss, just like any other and you need some time to grieve for your baby. I wanted to ask whether any post termination counselling was offered to you? I know it's still very new, and no one can describe what it's like to no longer have your baby with you, unless they go through the same process, but some grief counselling might be worthwhile considering.

To add to your struggle, you are also dealing with loss in your relationship, the loss of the trust in fidelity that you had with your partner. I understand that this has possibly impacted your overall sense of self, and sense of worth. So you have 2 reasons for grieving, and you also have some incredible reasons for living, your children.

As WK has said, it's up to you what you are ready to accept within your relationship with this man, but you do need to allow yourself some time to grieve and to process your losses. Maybe at this point you might choose not to develop the relationship, and perhaps you can't make any promises with this man until you have come to terms with the loss of your baby so that you can focus on what you want next. Maybe you will choose to have this man support you through the process. Have you been able to open up to him about what you are experiencing?

I sincerely hope that we will hear more from you, and for what it's worth I really want to send you a gigantic hug.