Hi missmumba,
Thank you so much for being so brave and sharing your experience with us. I hope that we can offer you some much needed support as you go through such a challenging time.
I'm really sorry for how you are feeling in relation to the termination. I won't say too much, but I can empathise with you. WK is right, it is a loss, just like any other and you need some time to grieve for your baby. I wanted to ask whether any post termination counselling was offered to you? I know it's still very new, and no one can describe what it's like to no longer have your baby with you, unless they go through the same process, but some grief counselling might be worthwhile considering.
To add to your struggle, you are also dealing with loss in your relationship, the loss of the trust in fidelity that you had with your partner. I understand that this has possibly impacted your overall sense of self, and sense of worth. So you have 2 reasons for grieving, and you also have some incredible reasons for living, your children.
As WK has said, it's up to you what you are ready to accept within your relationship with this man, but you do need to allow yourself some time to grieve and to process your losses. Maybe at this point you might choose not to develop the relationship, and perhaps you can't make any promises with this man until you have come to terms with the loss of your baby so that you can focus on what you want next. Maybe you will choose to have this man support you through the process. Have you been able to open up to him about what you are experiencing?
I sincerely hope that we will hear more from you, and for what it's worth I really want to send you a gigantic hug.
AGrace
