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To move or not to move again...that is the question
My wife and three children have been settled now in a community for three years, one in which I have had great difficulty finding work. I recently picked up a good role in Sydney and we are due to move in about a month. Now that we approach the move date my wife and kids are really struggling with the idea. We have moved many times before for work, usually mine, and this has led to a belief that we will end up stuck in the same loop again. Especially with Sydney prices.
My wife has been working over the last few years but it has not been in an area she particularly enjoys. I have being working hard to organise a study opportunity in Sydney so that she can diversify into something more to her liking. Unfortunately we won't know whether she has got into the degrees until after we arrive in Sydney. So, there is the possibility that she will not get into anything that she wants to. Thus, she could be left babysitting again in a city we have not really known for years.
Coupled to this, I recently had a stint away for work (9 months) because I couldn't find anything locally and this means that our relationship has taken a big step backwards. With the rush to move I feel that we are struggling to stay above water. I have been trying to follow the old saying that women need love first to feel wanted, but this time round is hard.
The problem is that I have already started the job and, in all reality, will struggle to find work where we are if I were to pass the opportunity up. The role offers long term stability and the possibility to transfer regionally. I know I could fall back into another role, like getting back into the cafe again, but it will not be easy to support the fam on that wage. I know this sounds selfish. I have been struggling for years to find a long term stable role to minimise future disrupting for the family and this is what I have found. My problem is that I have always been more comfortable being a gypsie and she is a home-body.
Essentially, my wife is delivering me an ultimatum. She either wants to go it alone and not move or move with me and give up everything she has. I am trying to find a workable third option, but I am running out of steam. I can't lose her and the kids, but for my own sanity I also need to work to stave off a strange depression that hits me in between work stints.
Thanks for reading everyone. Any comments are really appreciated.
I'm sorry to hear about the predicament you're in. I honestly don't know what to say because it seems so hard and it's nothing I've had to deal with.
To me, the things which stick out are:
1) you need to look after your mental wellbeing, however you do this, and
2) it sounds like you really care about your family, so whatever you choose will also need to be the best outcome for them.
I might be wrong, but it seems like if you were to move and your wife and kids were to stay, that would be more hurtful than your other option.
You mentioned a strange depression and it sounds like that's one of the main reasons why you're reluctant to pass up on the job and try to find something else where you are now. Are you able to elaborate on that a bit more and whether you've tried to get professional guidance on that previously?
Thank you for replying back so soon. As you have said, the long term separation from them does hurt more. I tend to go into work mode to help avoid thinking about it too much, but that doesn't make it any less significant in my mind. Sometimes in life I guess you need to ask yourself what is really important to you. My family is more important than the job, however I say this from a perspective of being employed.
Several times where I have been out of stable work for a period of up to six months (essentially daddy day care), I find myself stuck in a rut and unable to make what most people would consider more logical decisions. If I end up there again, then I will take your advice and seek some professional help.
In my line of work there is often nothing available in smaller regional communities, hence the tendency to jump around a bit. I suppose you could say that we are a family stuck between two worlds. Born and raised in the city and then we discovered the country life over the last ten years, but I have been unable up to this point to make it work.
Regarding your second point, I have been unable to find a good pathway where the move back to the big smoke is the best outcome for the family. Perhaps this is the kick I need to finally stay put with the family, no matter the consequences?
Again, thanks for your insight!
Yeah, it's tough to know what the best option is, but I'm glad you're open to getting professional help if things get rough.
Like you say, you have to do what's most important to you because when you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, that's all you've got left.
Have you and your family met many other families or friends in the area? That'll be really helpful especially if you do decide to stick it out here, just to have some local company.
Also, it sounds like you're doing it already but I think there'll need to be a lot of talking between you and your wife to make sure you both understand it's going to be tough and you're both going to be there for each other and your kids. Stress can bring out the worst of us, even if we don't mean it.
Serious understatement, but you're in a tricky one here! Still, you sound like you want to make it work and that's sometimes all it needs.