Tired of being me/ too sensitive

[quiet_please]

I’m tired of other women being nasty to me. Mean spirited, catty, snide remarks. I don’t understand
why people go out of their way to be like this to others.

I was abused by my mother from a young child to an adult. I never experienced the
warmth and love that a child receives from their mother. My mother was cold, selfish,
mean spirited, abusive and narcissistic. My mother never did anything wrong. We
were taught to never have any conflict or assert ourselves, state our needs,
argue with her. Everything she said was right and whatever she said, whether it
as rude, should just be “ignored”.

I never learnt boundaries, to be assertive, conflict skills, self confidence. The list
could go on.

As such, as an adult, I struggle. I am picked on constantly by other females. They see that
I am weak, not able to stand up for myself, quiet, passive and tread all over
me.

My family members say things to me with no respect. They know they can get away with it
because I wont say anything to their face.

I am always targeted by bullies. Bullied at school at work. People in public make snide
remarks and roll their eyes at me. I always catch others pull faces or make
comments behind my back. They think I am a snob. They don’t understand I am
quiet and anxious and like to keep to myself.

My friends who are supposed to lift me up and support me, say nasty things to me. Why cant
they be happy for me?

I have never had a close connection with another female. When I almost did as a
teenager, my mother destroyed it out of jealousy. I have sisters who are both
estranged due to my mothers meddling. I have no connection with them. I have
difficulty with forming friendships with other females. I have attachment,
boundary and trust issues.

I have had generalised anxiety disorder, major depression and social anxiety since a young
child. I am a misfit. I am tired of being so sensitive and having all these
things get to me.

I am tired of not fitting in. I am tired of not having a female support network. I am
tired of women being nasty to me.

I am tired of being a magnet for toxic people and people taking advantage of my kindness
and generosity. My anxious mind goes over things 100 times. I feel lonely and
alone

[white knight]

Hi welcome

As a male with a narcissistic mother my symptoms are similar

Please listen to this: learning the origin of your issues is important. You can google children of narcissistic mothers.

You can google "queen witch waif hermit" or read the book "walking on egg shells"

You can google some threads I've started

Topic: bullying , beyondblue

Topic: so what are their mental illnesses- beyondblue

Topic: depression and sensitivity a connection?- beyondblue

Topic: depression and toxic people, beyondblue

I can draw many parallels between your life and mine but I'm 60yo. I've learned to move on from people that don't contribute positively towards my well being and so I can carve my life's journey happily and productively. Or you allow these toxic people to drag you down.

There can be positives in being sensitive. It is a deep feeling that can drive you to writing stories of deep meaning or poetry. A gift.

Tony WK

[Guest_1055]

Hello quite please

I am so sorry you grew up with all that. And you have experienced the nastiness of other women. I can send out a comforting hug, if you will accept one from me.

I think I can see a positive maybe a bit like Tony. Perhaps your upbringing has promoted sensitivity, because the strength of sensitivity is compassion and empathy for others. But on the other side, you may get hurt more easily. Well that is what I have experienced in my own life. So you are not alone in regards to being sensitive, even though you feel like you are indeed alone.

I have just been learning about having boundaries and respecting other people's boundaries myself. I have a summary of some stuff on my bedside table, if you are interested at all. I am meant to read this every night. I will go and get it.......

Here is some of the points:

• Let your "no" mean no and your "yes" mean yes. If you say yes when you are feeling no, then you haven't maintained your boundary.
• If you set a boundary to a boundary hater, expect anger.
• Understand you are allowed to your own decisions and opinions.
• Understand others have a right to their decisions and opinions too and they may not actually be rejecting you! We need to respect their "no"s or boundaries also.
• The people with the best boundaries are the most respected.
• Be consistent with you "no"s, speak calmly, politely and assertively.
• Put a limit on your time, and use emotional and /or geographical distance against toxic or difficult people.

Oh I hope I haven't overwhelmed you or anything. Just know that I do care about you.

With kindness to you

Shell xx

[quiet_please]

Thank you so much Shelly & White Knight. Your advice means so much to me.

Hugs to you both

[hope4joy]

Hi Quiet Please,

thanks for your post - and sorry to hear that you're feeling like you don't fit in. I can relate to that, and also to being bullied. I was bullied by men and women in my life but it was always the women who bullied me the worst. I think the result is that I'm perpetually timid in some ways and have difficulty opening up and being myself around people, and I'm also easily hurt in friendships and recoil quickly. I'm trying to recover from these injuries in my early life but its hard sometimes. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. And maybe reaching out here is one step closer to finding some peace and change with this in your life. How are going at the moment?

Kind wishes, Christina