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The 'Joy' of Family...

thisismetrying
Community Member

Hey - first time poster, here. It's pretty amazing how ingrained the need to 'show up' for our family is in a lot of us, even if they treat us pretty poorly. 

 

I had my family christmas party yesterday, and as a result here I am silent and teary the next morning, trawling through Beyond Blue forums after a 20min chat with an online counsellor. (Very grateful for this organisation).

 

In short, I'd love to open this forum post up to anyone who feels they have some tips or tricks to coping with family gatherings at this time of year. 

 

How do we engage with the loved ones we want to make an effort with, even if attending those gatherings involves people we'd prefer not to see? 
How do we protect ourselves from the people whose comments and one-liners that act like piercing daggers? How can we not let it ruin our day? 

How do we deal with a mixed family group, particularly when they have a tendency to lean towards negativity? 

How do we have boundaries with people who won't truly understand the boundaries or necessarily respect them? I find it especially hard if they are actually trying to, but just aren't emotionally or intellectually able to and it ends up with you feeling exhausted from reminding them of your boundaries all the time.

Do we just smile through the hard bits and have a cry about it later?


Thanks in advance for your pieces of wisdom & food for thought.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

 

I'm 67yo and for several years I've developed my strategies that are very firmly etched in my mind where it comes to people.

 

My wife and I dont attend large gatherings. In the past on both sides of us we have done so and there is always that narcky person that is intent on upsetting someone. Family is no different than friends. So now we have maximum 6 maybe 7 of us total and those people, we have a great time. Why spend your xmas with people that you dont like?

 

BTW, we have a system, if one of us wants to attend anything but the other doesnt, then one of us goes alone- simple. Eg My wife has attended xmas carols, she sings and plays a guitar... I'd be so bored, so I dont go. Easy. She know we do as we please, however, if it is an event she realllly wants me to attend I'll go.

 

Call it personal protection, many people play the Russian Roulette and come off second best.

 

TonyWK