The anniversary of my mothers death

[Dusty78]

Its less than a month till the 1 year anniversary of my mothers suicide. i dnt know how to feel. i dnt know what to do. all my family is in new Zealand and know body around me knew her. all i want on her anniversary is to sit down and reminisce about her but everyone is so far away. she had alot of troubles thro out her life. she was a functioning alcoholic. even she would admit alcohol was her first love. she fought her demons untill her last breath. i always knew this is how ahe would go but didnt think she would leave me at 24 years old. what about her grandchildren she will never meet what about when i get married.

[Zeal]

Hey Dusty,

Welcome to the forum!

I am deeply sorry about the loss of your mother. At 24, that is rough. It's great that you want to reminisce about her life, and the memories that were made. This is encouraging, as it means you have grieved and are now ready to reflect on her life and on memories you shared. Sometimes people will avoid talking or thinking about a loved one who has passed on, which can be emotionally damaging in the long-term. If you don't mind me asking, did you get professional counselling or support after your mother's death?

Perhaps you could Skype with family members or call them, on the 1 year anniversary. Calling and communicating with family regularly is important, so that you maintain that sense of connection. Do you have people in Australia you spend time with and consider friends? About four years ago I lost contact with friends, and found this to be isolating.

I hope you can find ways to connect with loved ones at this time.

It would be great to hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Guest_322]

Hi Dusty,

I know words can't do your loss any justice but I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry that she'll never see you get married or meet her grandchildren. Honestly, I don't know how to convey it properly but my heart goes out to you...

You know, I think it's okay to not know how to feel; it's okay to not know what to do. It's okay to be okay but it's also okay to not be okay too.

I'm 20 years old, and I realise it's not the same but my grandma passed away about 5 years ago- different circumstances and she did not die by suicide. But to this day, I struggle with confusing feelings of grief. Grief hurts. Grief sucks. It changes you.

I think your mum sounds like she was a real fighter. As you said, she struggled with the addiction monster and fought till her last breath. She did the best she could.

I think it's beautiful that you want to reminisce and honour her memory. I know it's not the same as face-to-face contact but maybe Zeal's suggestion to Skype would be the next best thing?

Again, I'm really sorry. All grief sucks- and not that I would know personally- but I imagine suicide raises so many questions, and brings with it a certain kind of pain that other causes of death aren't associated with...

Grieve however you need to...there's no right or wrong way and don't let anybody tell you that there's an expiry date on grief. Define your own grieving terms. Take however long you need.

I don't know the right thing to say other than to say I'm sorry over and over again.

Dottie x

[IrishRose]

Hi Dusty,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can relate in some ways to your experiences & just wanted to make the suggestion, along with those of Skype to find a way of being with those who knew your Mum, to share your memories with someone close to you too. I have lost a few loved ones over the past 10 years & I too am no longer in my home town. I think it was perhaps a mistake on my part to try to leave my grief back at my old home. It is only recently that I realising the need & benefit in sharing my loss with those close by. My loved ones are still part of me 10 years on. And the times that particularly bring on memories & emotions are still there too. Catch up with your family if you can but share some memories with your local "family" too. Thinking of you at this tough time.