Taking a break?

Pat1985 · ‎15-11-2016

I've been in a relationship for just over 7 years... My boyfriend hasn't been the best in the sense that I've constantly caught him flirting with other girls (some in relationships) since we first started dating. He is adamant that he hasn't slept with any of them, he just likes the attention he gets when they reciprocate his flirtatious advances.

In September we spoke about his flirting (for the 100th time) and he said that he will needs a break from our relationship so he can work on himself. I never told anyone about what he was doing for 7 years as I didn't want anyone to think less of him. I immediately spoke to his brother whom he looks up to as a father figure so someone other than me can hold him accountable for his actions.

We have still been speaking quite often since September and I really want to make things work. Despite how much he has hurt me I really want to make this work with him, but more importantly im finding it hard to keep my emotions in check... It is such a rollercoaster ride, it has affected my work, I've lost a lot of weight, I can't concentrate on anything and because he is overseas for work at the moment I just have this fear that he is up to no good, despite him constantly telling me that he is just working on himself and trying to spend time with his work friends (one of whom is female and I know they get along quite well). He also told me last night that he still needs his space and he wants to keep things 'breezy' between us.. what does this mean?

I'm really stressed and just feel helpless all the time, I'm not really one to ask for help but I'm really desperate and need some sort of coping techniques. I really love this guy and don't want to lose him... Any advice would be appreciated.

romantic_thi3f · ‎15-11-2016

Hi Pat1985,

I may be alone when I say this, but I'm concerned about why you would want to be with someone who flirts with other people. Regardless of what his intentions are, I can't say that I would appreciate that if I was in a relationship with someone and they liked the attention of other girls. Wouldn't you want someone who just wants to be with you, who isn't interested in other girls or flirting?

Not knowing what's going to happen is no easy feat. Words like 'breezy' can be thrown around but it doesn't let you know where you stand. I think for me I would have to have a conversation and say where are we at? How do we feel about each other? What do we want to happen?

As for coping techniques, I wish it were that easy. I am sorry that you are going through this. I think that we can give you as much advice (or as much divided advice) as we can, but ultimately you've got to do what feels right for you. This is about you.

How can you feel loved and pampered? How can you feel taken care of? Maybe it's about spending more time putting yourself first; whether that's making more things that you enjoy or spending time with friends that truly care about you. Rally your friends and lean on them because that's what they are for. If you need to - reach out - maybe that's to friends, maybe family - or maybe it's to your GP. You come first.

SubduedBlues · ‎15-11-2016

Hi Pat1985

Looking online for interpretations of 'breezy', I came across: The phrase "keep it breezy" means to take it easy, or keep it light and simple. Based on that definition, it would seem he doesn't want commitment. And, if that is true, then you'll need to decide whether you want to remain in a non-committed relationship.

I have to agree with RomanticTheif, it's time to put yourself first. Unfortunately, for some people they'll never realize what losing until they feel its absence. Give him a chance to feel a little absence, and then If he really wants you, he'll come around.

SB