Supporting my 19 yo daughter with anxiety and depression when I suffer with low mood as well

[TNS]

Hey there I just need some help to try and navigate this new tricky period in my and my daughter's life. My daughter is 19 yo and amazing. She initiated going on exchange in yr 10 and spent a year OS doing her entire year in another language. A few months before she left she sought support for anxiety - received psych support and counselling and learnt to self manage really well. Now 3 years on she has finished high school (did brilliantly) and embarked on a gap year. In the last few months of school her anxiety and now depression crept back in - very understandably. She sought a doctor, counselling, psych support and started meds. Now she seems to be struggling still and we are having some difficulty navigating this new stage of life. She is working, frequently exhausted with very low energy. We clash and I get a little frustrated with the lack of help around home and we don't flow like we used to. I suffer from low mood intermittently and probably don't help matters. Im really unsure how to navigate this new path. I want to help her through this next stage in life but im not sure how. She also has a lovely boyfriend but he too suffers with depression and I fear she is using her positive energy for supporting him and not so much herself. She says this is soo not the case and he actually helps to lift her mood.

I would be super grateful for someone who may have walked a similar path

Thanks in advance 🙂

[blondguy]

Hello TNS

Welcome and thankyou for having the courage to post on the forums too!

You mentioned...'your daughter is amazing' and good on her for doing so well with her terrific results!..Nice1

I understand what you are going through as my daughter is in her mid twenties and in the same situation...except she is angry at the world and myself and we also clash sometimes like you do

Can I ask if your daughter enjoys her work?...Also, has your daughter's boyfriend actually been diagnosed with depression? ..excuse I for the questions TNS...just trying to provide better quality support 🙂

Being a concerned parent your mood would fluctuate...that is more than understandable considering you and your daughters situation. The forums are a safe and non judgmental place for you to post TNS

We are grateful to have you as part of the Beyond Blue forum family

my kind thoughts

Paul

[TNS]

Thanks Paul for your reply.

My daughter comes from a big family background of diagnosed depression. Both maternal and paternal sides have suffered varying degrees of depression and received various medicated episodes during their life spans. I too had PND after her older sister and was medicated for about 12 months. I also had cancer 5 years ago and was treated with medication for anxiety during this time. Im all good now and don't feel depressed just varying degrees of flat or low mood and not on meds.

Unlike your gorgeous daughter mine is soooo not angry with the world she is in awe of it and excited to be part of it mostly and the endless possibilities. She manages her anxiety with self help strategies esp meditation, journalling and her art, and is now on some meds but has become very overwhelmed with this increasing depression which expresses as extreme fatigue and emotional sensitivity and crying. We used to have long deep conversations but this has halted and I am worried.

She works in hospitality and is very good at what she does but puts enormous effort into engaging and interacting positively with staff and customers. However, once at home she has very little left in the tank and cannot complete the few demands of living in a family household. This is new to me as she has always been great.

I do worry a great deal about her relationship and whether it is a good thing for them both as he too is seeing a therapist and recommenced medication with having experienced depression from about 14yrs (he is now 20). Is it healthy for them to be supporting each other?

I am struggling to know how to best support my daughter and I don't want to just let it go as I feel she has deteriorated quite a bit in the last month.

I would appreciate any input at all.

cheers

[blondguy]

Hello TNS

Thankyou for posting back and your kind focus too!

Like yourself I consider myself a responsible and caring parent. You mentioned 'once at home she has very little left in the tank and cannot complete the few demands of living in a family household' This brings back memories TNS and it can be difficult situation as a parent

Since there is no such thing as a 'silly question' on the forums.....Can I ask if your daughter knows she has your support with her boyfriend? Just as per my experience this is crucial to maintain some harmony in the relationship as she does does come home 'flat' as you mentioned above....Your thoughts?

Just from my own experience TNS....Considering what your wonderful daughter has been through it would only be human nature to bond with someone that has been through 'similar' circumstances

In your opening post you mentioned 'he actually helps to lift her mood' when your daughter spoke about how she felt about her boyfriend....This sounds like a heartfelt comment from your daughter TNS

Can I ask if your daughter's boyfriend has a healthy mindset? Is he a good hearted person?

One of my closest female friends has low level anxiety and also medicated for depressive issues TNS....I actually find great peace spending time with her as she has been through what I have in the 1980's when I was in my 20's

Thankyou again for being a part of the forum family TNS 🙂

Paul