Suffocating!

[merry301]

I don't even know where to begin other than being in a relationship with someone who suffers from mental health is bloody exhausting. I'm 25 and have been with my fiance for 7 years. Many of those years beautiful, however, this past year has been really hard and it's showing on us as individuals and as a couple. We should be having the time of our life yet we spend almost every weekend arguing for hours, we live in server financial stress as my partner hasn't worked for 12 months, our relationship lacks intimacy and we barely speak with each other about our feelings or important matters (mostly because I don't know what reaction I will receive). My partner suffers from GP diagnosed anxiety and depression. He's been on a course of medication but after the 4th one and a bad experience with a psychologist completely stopped and has no immediate intention of seeking any more help as he believes he can do it...or we can do it. He also has a heavy drug addiction to weed and whilst he admits he is addicted, shows me no intention of stopping. I have recently visited a psychologist for myself and they confirmed something I've probably tried to hide from my family and close friends...that I'm in an abusive relationship. I've always been very certain in my feelings and thoughts and considered myself to know when I'm being treated poorly, yet I'm at the point where I'm second-guessing everything I say, questioning if I should be doing more (as I'm so often told I'm not doing enough to help) and feel as though all the problems are because of me, If I just did a little more we wouldn't have these issues. If I just didn't get so defensive maybe he wouldn't raise his voice. I love this man so dearly and am holding on to the relationship we had years ago and the man he was before, but I feel as though I'm suffocating and the word hate starts to enter my mind when I think about my feelings for him. He seems to take no responsibility for his actions and finds a way to turn things back on me but then asks why I'm so defensive or why I don't want to ever talk with him....everyone else can see it, why can't he?!?!?!? It frustrates me so much and I'm sitting here feeling guilty about writing this, guilty about making him out be a horrible man, guilty that after our argument this morning I have no intention of working it out (right now at least) and guilty of having no intention of being around him...

I guess I just wrote this because I want to know I'm not alone!

[Deecee88]

You are not alone....I don’t know your relationship but all I can say is....look after YOU! We live 1 life and you’ll never be able to go back in time and relive the moments u spent dealing with his issues. It’s selfish on his behalf to think that you will just deal with it.

i get called defensive when I snap back but I feel I have every right to after how I get treated or spoken to like I’m worthless.

girl, take some space, get ur shit sorted for yourself and see if he steps up to the plate. He shouldn’t be a burden.

ive been with a weed smoker and he got so paranoid at one point he thought me and his mates were all plotting to hurt him or I was sleeping with them all behind his back. Not worth it!

[geoff]

Hello Merry, a sad situation you have explained but one many may be able to relate to, unfortunately.

Someone who is not able to see how they are affecting their loved ones with a depression of any type and won't want to receive any professional help is in denial, and I can say this because that's exactly how I was when bludgeoned with this terrible illness.

I feel so sorry for you as I know what damage was caused by me being this way to my ex-wife, 2 children and some other people who were also affected that was just a handful.

Being through what you are now going through is devastating and wondering whether you have thought about a separation, and once again can I offer this for you to try and strengthen yourself with the help of a psychologist.

Doing this may make him realise that he needs to address these very important issues.

My best to you.

Geoff.