Sudden break up

[ged12345]

Hey all,

My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months back and it's still affecting me badly. She was always struggling with anxiety/depression, had a panic disorder and phobias, and was on two anti-psychotics and a hardcore antidepressant (mum was diagnosed later in life with schizopheia and was ungood to her kids). She was afraid I would leave her and would often apologise (often overly so). Her sister had a lot of control over her—they lived together but it was my ex's house—and would often insult her and make her feel guilty. I used to be good friends with the sister but she obviously has her own mental issues because she turned around at one point and just started lashing out at me, alternating between acting nice and then lashing out further after making promises that wouldn't happen.

My ex promised me she would not lash out at me or push me away like her sister did. I was her first and was very loving and patient with the intimacy side of the relationship but a hiccup earlier on (me asking for an alternative when she said she wasn't comfortable with the first thing, then she did the first thing even though I tried to stop her) hung over the relationship. We talked it out though and things seemed fine.

She was not very confident. She had trouble with compulsive spending on clothes and compulsive eating. She was a little erratic, sometimes being quite level and other times being a bit manic and making weird logical leaps (I asked her to enquire more about me during a harder time I was having and she thought I was having a mental breakdown). But sweet and often loving. I gave her the choice to go on a driving lesson, with me, something she was quite anxious about but said she had expressed interest in. I said "get up and come out to the car if you want to go, or stay here if you don't" and she came out. We did some really basic stuff in a car park with my hand on the handbreak the whole time. She was a little teary but I hugged her and we did some breathing. It lasted all of 10 mins. A month later she said she wanted further lessons and I said she could ask me anytime and there'd be no pressure about any of it.

The hiccup above and the lesson were two reasons she broke up with me: allegedly I was very pressuring. She also said I was unsafe because I walked towards her while I was angry once after she had accused me of using her for sex (I was going to open the door or hug her depending).

There's more...but I wanted to know if this sounds like mental health issues?

[jess334]

Hi Ged12345,

Welcome to the forums.

Sudden break ups are so difficult, especially when it sounds like you aren't sure why it happened. It sounds like you are struggling to move on because her reasons for the break up dont make sense.

As you mentioned she has complex mental health issues and a history of abuse from her mother (& probably sister). Although those incidents you mentioned seemed minor to you and you did the right thing by talking about them, she is viewing them through her past experiences, which might make them seem like really big issues to her.

I'm glad she is getting help for her issues. It might be a very long time and a lot of counselling before she is able to be in a committed relationship without seeing danger everywhere.

Jess.

[AnnabelleN]

Hi,

I’m sorry to hear about the difficult time you are going through. My ex broke up with me a few months ago as well due to his mental health issues. It was a very messy and confusing breakup and I am still struggling to deal with it. It’s hard to move on when it seems to have come out of the blue and there’s not any real resolution and you don’t quite understand why you broke up.
Hopefully your ex is getting help and I recommend you do the same. I have started seeing a psychologist to help cope with my breakup and managing my feelings and I think it is helping.
You are not responsible for your exes feelings and actions, you did the best you could at the time to be a loving and supportive partner. Only they can take the steps needed to improve their mental health.
Try and take care of yourself as best you can, eat well and exercise and drink plenty of water. I have also started mindfulness and meditation and have been watching shows that I find funny, entertaining or interesting to help take my mind off it.
I am always here if you want to chat.