Struggling

[Daisyxo]

Hi everyone. First time posting .
Or even reaching out for that matter. I've struggled alot with depression
When I was younger, I've over come alot of it as I've hit my late 20s, and
I'm pretty proud of myself despite my fluctuation in moods from time to time
I am happy to be alive .
I started a new relationship with a man 8 months ago, we live together now. I can say with a rational mind
That i love him more than anything, he's genuinely a great partner to me.
But recently I've been struggling with expressing my feelings and when
I do he gets mad. And it's begun this cycle , I get upset about something and I'm
So down, I talk to him and he gets pissed off because "he can't deal with this"
He yells at me, insults me, and then I have to drop it because it's too hard to keep fighting
Emotionally . He will eventually apologise for
How he spoke to me but the initial issue never gets spoken of.
I'm at my last straw I have nothing left in me and I don't know what to do
Or even how to communicate with him. I'm constantly depressed .
This morning was our most recent fight. He's not at home right now as he had a meeting
To get to. I know when he gets home he will not try to understand, or soften all he'll do is yell
And i have so much anxiety every time about this it's made me close up.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Daisyxo,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums! We're so glad that you have reached out here today, we know it can be really difficult to summon the courage. We're sorry to hear about what has been happening, it must be really difficult to try to communicate how you're feeling to your partner when you keep feeling dismissed. It's certainly understandable that this would make you feel like closing up, and we are sorry to hear how much anxiety this is causing you. But please know that you've come to a safe space here, and our wonderful community is here to offer as much support and conversation as you need.
We are also sending some additional support your way via email. Welcome again, and we hope you keep checking in with us to let us know how you're going when you feel up to it.

[Daisyxo]

Thanks for replying. It feels good to have someone understand.
I feel very trapped as we are In this house isolating together, we get along well every day ( as long as I am happy / or pretend to be). But the tension builds up and often when we are In bed I wait for him to fall asleep just so that I can cry.

[gentlydoesit]

Hi Daisyxo, Don't we all hate being yelled at! As you said the initial issue gets lost in the fight, anxiety sets in, maybe go about communicating with him differently. Under the closed off lives that we adhere to, closing up is easier than the arguement that will happen. Maybe have a nice dinner or a time when emotions are under controll, then tell him your depressed, anxious, if he still doesn't listen to you then look at your options. At least you know youvé tried!!!Take care.