Struggling With Rejection

JoshuaCalledMe · ‎23-05-2019

Not sure if this is the right forum or if I'm even in the right place but hey-ho.

I started typing the whole sorry tale but ran out of words

Basically late last year my best friend and key emotional support stated she would be moving away to start a relationship which I was deeply saddened by. Since then she has progressively distanced herself from me and now simply ignores me. I do not know why.

Christmas I had what my doctor now thinks was a breakdown and when I broke and tried to talk to my wife in late January (I couldn't keep it in any longer) by her own admission she didn't know what to do beyond saying she hoped it gave me closure to talk to her. It didn't but I think she knew it.

Late February she asked for a divorce, stated what the settlement would be, how much rentals were in the area and asked me to be gone in a month. We've been married for 10 years and this came out of the blue for me, but I think these things always do to one party or the other. She granted me one session of couples counselling before she wanted mediation and then wanted to skip mediation and for me to just move out. On the advice of a couple of friends, I fought that and was right to do so.

Nonetheless she is buying me out of the house and that's not too far from being done and dusted so now I'm just very lost and very adrift and very emotional. Money wise I'll be ok for a couple of years which is entirely new for me, but I have a part time job, an unfinished counselling degree I neither feel equipped or inclined to finish, my best friend gone, my wife going, my family on the other side of the world (I'm from the UK - now an Aussie citizen) and no idea what the hell to do. I literally built my life around my wife and her family and now with one notable exception, every single one of them has gone. These are people I embraced and helped and ate with and holidayed with even. For the last decade they've been my family and in the space of a couple of months, they've gone. I'm 50 next year, had my 49th in April while being divorced and have no idea what to do. I am as lost now at 49 as I was at 15 when my careers officer asked me what i wanted to do with my life.

I'm struggling. I'm on a mental health plan but it's not helping. I'm on meication to sleep but I drive for a living so have to be careful.

Sometimes I just collapse into tears. I feel so alone, so unwanted and so rejected. I just don't know what to do. Tonight, looking at rentals, I broke, so here I am. Thoughts?

Lunna · ‎24-05-2019

hi dear you know it's normal to feel the way that you feel your whole world has collapsed so many changes that you have to deal with all of a sudden it happened to me when my first husband out of the blue mentioned divorce everything he had was in his parents name so I became homeless he was a lawyer do he earned a lot of money and he didn't let me work during our marriages I migrated to Australia for him and I had to move back overseas to my deceased mother's house it was so hard so I understand you you have to take it one day at the time first find a place to live then start looking for a better job reach out and make new friends people that understand you you have to build a new life for yourself it won't be easy it takes time but it's possible the heart break of what has happen to
U will stay with u but it gets better

Labs4life · ‎25-05-2019

Hi JoshuaCalledMe

I’m sorry you are going through this. My husband of 12 years left me, not a surprise as his actions of not coming home and ignoring me told me he didn’t love me anymore.

I am in the same boat I don’t have family so all his family were like mine now they are gone. I’m alone with 2 young kids.

I am not looking forward to what’s to come 😢

Camellias · ‎25-05-2019

Hi JoshuaCalledMe

I have recently joined this site too, no expert and have my own struggles ...but I hope I may be of some comfort in telling you, that you are not alone in this.

Many if the things you have written, I also could relate too. Things that you may of felt like the only one going through it, but it seems many of us are. Maybe not exactly the same but similar.

Im in my mid 40’s and have not achieved as much as you, you should be proud of your achievements. You dedicated yourself to someone, for a very long time and supported them. No one could of known this would happen, that your best friend needed a new passage in life or that your wife would also move on.

I hope that despite the losses you will come to live Australia, that opportunities will arise for you that you never thought imaginable. I’ve not long joined this site and I am being reminded of possibilities, even though I read through tears and break down constantly, I see some hope.

My beat friend and lighthouse, (aka girlfriend)has for no reason I understand, starting distancing herself from me and pushing me away. Every time I felt I became closer to her, she would push harder back. I’ve spent I’ve a year eating meals with her, her kids, doing everything a family does together, taken on a role of father for her children only to be cast aside.... it is not as heartbreaking as a decade you have had but I can relate to the hurt, confusion and struggle you face now with feeling alone, unwanted and rejected.

Mental health care plan and medication have only extended life so much for me, at the end of the day I still face the same struggles, much like you I’m looking at rentals, broke and wondering what to do with a years worth of strong beautiful memories of people I ate with, supported & called my family

And now the ‘ why ‘ question always lurking. So I come here and begin to see others going through similar...

Do you have any hobbies? Do you have or enjoy the company of animals?

I am hearing you and wishing somehow that you find some answers that provide hope and strength for you. You deserve to be happy, to be smiling. It takes a lot of courage to come here and express ourselves.

Keep strong

🌺