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Struggling to move past my husband cheating

Community Member

My husband and have been together for 12 years we have two beautiful little boys the youngest is 9 months old.

On 31/08/16 I found out my husband was having an affair online with some woman he met on a game.

After confronting him about it he assured me it would end and he was sorry. I forgave him because I believe that it's best for our boys and I love him.

over the last few months I've tried to move on forget about it. But it's always in the back of my mind. I'm having a real hard time trusting him he still plays the game and uses apps like line and Snapchat. He stays up really late playing them. On the odd occasion that he is separated from his phone I've been very tempted to look but don't know if I could cope if I found something again.

Tonight it was really getting to me he's in the kitchen at 2am playing that game. I got up for a drink and he asked me why I was awake I told him I was struggling to sleep and that I wasn't in a good mind space. He hugged me and kept asking what was wrong I told him I didn't want to talk about it but he kept going.

i told him I was still struggling to deal with what happened and how it bothers me that he's always playing that game and using those apps. Rather than spend time with me or sleeping in our bed.

i really have no one to talk to about this because I'm so ashamed that this has happened to me. It it wasn't for my kids I would have left. I need to keep strong for my boys. He's an amazing dad and helps out around the house I just feel so unloved and unwanted.

Ive asked him to come up with a way to make it up to me. I think him quitting the game and getting rid of the apps might be a start but I feel he should have done it months ago but which makes me think something could still be going on.

we had a bit of a fight about it he thought we were ok and I got quite mad because I don't feel ok at all and maybe if it was the other was around he would understand how I felt that pain just doesn't go away

I'm not sure what advice anyone can give me but I just can't hold it in anymore

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello, I have to say how sorry I am for you, because when we marry we trust our spouse to be faithful in the marriage, just as they expect from you, however this has been broken and even though he has told you that it would stop doesn't necessarily mean that it will, it's just said to make you feel comfortable.
He might be an amazing dad with your kids and helping around the house, but you still are not sure what he is getting up to behind your back and this is where your marriage is very unstable and making you unhappy probably causing anxiety and depression, but a doctor will need to make this diagnosis.
You say that there is only one reason why you're still married and that's because of the kids, well that's a strong reason, but you're not happy but don't feel as though you can trust your husband any more, well this feeling isn't going to improve unless he deletes these apps and snapchat, which I don't think is what he wants to do, and you're not sure what he gets up to while you're not around.
I could suggest that you both have relationship counselling which others may suggest you do and if you feel as though this may help you both, then it would be a good idea, however I do have my reservations that he will ever change.
It maybe a bad idea to look at his phone, although he may have had it set up where a password is needed, that I don't really know because I'm don't have any tech ability, but you maybe devastated.
There doesn't seem to be any love in the marriage now, although you both love your kids, but they will grow up and eventually live their own life, so do you want to suffer for how long this will be, or do you want to live with your children by yourself and give your husband his marching orders.
Hope to hear back from and I hope that I haven't been to harsh here. Geoff. x

Thanks Geoff I think just getting it off my chest has helped so much it's slowly been eating away at me.

I think when I found out I was in shock and having to little boys and working full time I just tried to forget it happened and focus on my family.

You're right councling could be wrth a try I still love him and hold some hope that things can be fixed I just don't know how he feels.

I won't leave because of my children they are my number 1 priority. I will learn live with this if it means they have their dad and everything we have both worked so hard to give them.