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Struggling to coparent, with #4 on the way

Community Member

I am really struggling at the momemt. I am 4.5mmths pregnant with my 4th child. I have two older kids from a previous relationship, (13,10), and now two to my current partner (14months and due september). I love my partner and he is a fantastic Dad and Stepdad. Im just really struggling being a mum to little ones again and coparenting.

I seperated from my ex when my 2nd child was only 18months old, so I mostly raised my kids as a single Mum, and I reckon I did alright.

Going through the baby/toddler stages again is so much harder than I remember. It was supposed to be easier this time around. I thought I would have a partner that could share the load, and I didnt think I would be as stressed financially this time.

My partner has now gone back on the farm, which means he cannot look after kids while Im at work and I find I once again have the majority of the childcare, housework, cooking, shopping and general running of the house, budget etc. plus I work three days a week.

Im finding I can actually deal with this ok, but as soon as he gets home, I lose it, something snaps. I am so angry with him. Why is it easier for me to do this by myself, and harder when he is here?

mentally I have been really uo and down this pregnancy, Ive had postnatal depression before, but the lowest I have ever felt has been in this pregnancy, im sure its just hormones.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Cantthinkas, welcome

You are "sure its just hormones" but might not be, hence a trip to your GP about this particular problem could result in it being something else and that is a good way to eliminate it.

I don't know why you lose it with your partner but I can guess it is due to resentment for him leaving all of the family stuff to you while he is away. It might not be ideal a situation for him being away at this time. However working is a priority nowadays for income. Calmly sit him down one night alone and discuss it.

Another thing you can do is have a family meeting to openly discuss the situation including your two eldest kids. Delegating more chores is a good thing for everyone all round. You might already do this but in times like these more chores wont hurt them and they will learn that family has to band together in times of crisis.

To me you are a super mum. I had two daughters, 3 jobs including shift work and a very lazy wife which resulted in some mental breakdowns for me and total burnout. Then separation, divorce etc. That traumatic road has to be avoided by a "prevention is better than cure" planning.

I hope you feel better soon and fine some solutions. We are here for you if you repost. Feel free to talk.

Tony WK