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Struggling to balance depression and engagement!

Community Member

Hey all..

A few months back I was diagnosed with chemically induced depression. Usually I am quite a passionate and optimistic man though this has not been the case recently. I have been with my fiance for 6 years and engaged for 6 months. My partner does not seem to understand that my depression is not her fault and constantly blames herself despite me reassuring her that it definitely is not her doing.

I am at a point where I feel a lot of pressure to become the man I was months ago and this has lead me to constant feelings of guilt, anxiety and dishonesty regarding my moods and how I am feeling. I feel I am unable to positively contribute to the relationship and in order to improve my mental state I need to be selfish and break off the relationship. I have never broken up with anyone and the thought of it makes me feel like a monster, I still love her and don't want to hurt her yet at the same time I feel like the relationship is causing me more harm than good. Is ending things the right thing to do?

Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this post.

1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dead Sunshineandblues~

Welcome to the forum, one party having depression in a relationship makes things very hard. I remember that when I first became really ill my partner, like yours, felt the I was the way I was because of things she had done - or not done.

So she felt very guilty, and that simply did not help either of us. My words of reassurance were not really believed, she thought I was being kind. That did change when she was introduced to my psychiatrist who told here the common symptoms of my illness, everything from bad temper and being withdrawn to lack of libido and not wanting to do anything. The more she realized thees were common reactions (and they were caused by my work) the more able to cope wiht things -and the less guilty -she became.

This took a lot of pressure off me. As she felt happier in herself she was able to give support that worked. without that I would probably not be talking to you now.

So I can't answer what is the best thing for you, I do know that depression does make one look at one's relationships differently, and one can even not understand if one is capable of love. When better the original feelings - at least in my case - returned.