Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Struggling to accept a childless future

Community Member


This is my first post and I'm here at the suggestion of my husband. I'm really struggling to accept my infertility issues combined with a sudden breakdown of my career. They are unrelated but both happening at the same time and it has created an emotional "perfect storm".

A bit of back story...We've been attempting to have a baby for quite a few years. Approx 2 years ago we saw a doctor and got tested. Turns out my husband was fine but I have some issues that medication hasn't been able to overcome and it's not something that can be fixed with surgery. I've had countless tests, doctors visits and been pumped full of all kinds of fertility drugs for 2yrs now and am out of options. I have to accept that I'll never be a mother.

I have always wanted to have kids and being told it's not going to happen is heartbreaking. I feel defective and useless and some days it has me questioning why I'm even here. I haven't really achieved anything in my life and being unable to have kids means there will be nothing of me to carry on. Some days it's like my life is a dead end street.

Im also feeling such self hatred. Why is my body letting me down? Why won't it do the most fundamental thing a woman's body is meant to do ... create life.

My shining beacon is my husband. He's my best friend and love of my life. He is being so supportive at the moment and keeps telling me that none of this is my fault. I feel such guilt that because of me he has been robbed of the chance to be a father. He tells me he's at peace with it and is happy to remain a "duo", but how do I know he's not just saying that to make me feel better?

I know that obsessing over these things isn't helping and I need to process and accept them in order to move forward. I guess I thought throwing these thoughts out there may help in some way. In the meantime I'm just taking it a day at a time and hoping that one day soon it won't hurt so much.

Many thanks for listening.

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi WW. Thanks for reaching out. I know it must be really painful for you both. I don't think having the constant thoughts about not being able to have a child and being suddenly faced with a career breakdown would be helping you much at all, so both at once has really brought bad times to a head.

I hope your fertility doctors or GP has linked you in with some kind of counselling. I think like any major event in life this is a time that working through with the help of a professional might be beneficial. I'm assuming you've only just discovered that fertility options have been exhausted? It sounds totally normal to take time to grieve and process everything. It sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive husband. As a man, I'd like to reach out to him as well and thank him for being there for you. I also want you to have trust in him that he means what he says ok?

Don't bite my head off but have you considered adoption? Feel free to vent here and tell us more of your story if you're up to it. I always found it helpful. So what happened with your career?

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi WW, welcome

There are some aspects of life that are almost intolerable. I understand.

My wife of 6 years never had children but my daughter had held her in her heart as her fav auntie (my wife was once married to my brother in law). When my daughter rejected her birth mother my wife eventually became mum and will be the mother of the bride in June.

That senario might be cold comfort to you but it might also open your thoughts to alternatives of how you can assist children in this world be given your warm heart.

Adoption, fostering, taking on kids from family with issues etc. Please consider these. Sure it wont erase your deep hurt but it will make you smile when a child kisses you continuously saying "l love you".

Tony WK