Hi im a mum and im beyond stressed
ill give you a bit of a background into my mental health history and then bring you up to speed about what is almost tipping me over the edge of insanity now. i have suffered from depression, PTSD, PND and anxiety due to multiple things happening in my life.
fast forward to the brith of my first son lets call him j. it was a traumatic pregnancy as i was told there would be something wrong with my child (microdeletion of chromosomes) and was given the option to still abort at 18 weeks! i was mortified. but chose to continue with the pregnancy, and after a painstaking and stressful 43 hour labour i got j. i ended up with PND. treated and councelled, for about a year until symptoms subsided.
J was BF until 8 Months and developed normally, reaching all milestones early, his behaviour was normal until he hit about 1.5 years. Now j is almost 4 and although highly intelligent he has some serious behavioural issues which im am finding overwhelming and sending me into daily panic attacks or crying in my room. he will sceam, hit, bite, cry and break things when he dosnt get his own way. Demands things of me ' i want my breakfast ,NOW' is how i am woken every morning. he hits his younger brother (whos is a so different to j) all the time. no form of punishment or discipline seems to work! i cant go out in public due to his meltdowns, and dont want to go to anyones house as im constantly appologising for his behavious! he is angry and rude all the time and i feel so isolated. i have changed his diet and am in the process of a behavioural assessment thru the RCH, but i feel like im going insane in the mean time. his father (my husband) dosnt think there is anything wrong with him and its all me overreacting (which im not multiple people see that j is out of control) so i have no support from him, i send him to daycare 1 day a week as that all we can afford. but i feel as if i have lost control of everything in my life all because of j. i am finding myself starting to resent him and questioning if i made the right decision not to abort him, which is a horrible thing for a mother to question. i mother shoud love her children unconditionally but when he is always acting up its hard to see the good in him at all. im at my whitts end to see the good in my own child and its bringing me to tears. i find myself wanting to spend less time with j as his so horrible to be around the last 2.5 years.
