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Stress and anxiety from dealing with a break up

Community Member

Hey everyone,

About a month ago my relationship with my boyfriend of 1 year ended and I havent been able to accept it and move on. I keep blaming myself for what has happened and feel guilty especially since I feel like my actions are the reason things are the way they are. About 6 months ago, my boyfriend and I were rocky and I kissed someone else. I know I did a bad thing and i should have cut all contact with that other person but I didnt. My boyfriend asked me a few times if anything happened, but I denied it. Eventually once I felt ready, I came clean to my boyfriend, even though it was a few months after the kiss happened, and apologized and did all I could to make things better, but he never let it go. Instead, he became verbally abusive, continuously put me down and degraded me, and I felt like this is what I deserved. He continued to be this way for the last few months of our relationship, and because neither of us wanted to completely throw it away at this point, we mutually agreed to go on a break until we both got our own lives sorted, but instead 3 days into the break, he told me he didnt want to fix things. Even though its done now, I am struggling to let go. He seems to be having fun and to have forgotten about me, and is always spending time with another girl. This keeps upsetting me and making me very anxious. For a few weeks now, I keep getting nightmares about him being with this other girl and I wake up with my heart pounding and feeling very down. 

I don't know how to properly let him go, and I need help to do this. Its hard and painful seeing him move forward while i'm here feeling sad and guilty about what ive done, and I feel like i'm the reason he became abusive towards me. 

How do I let go of the past, and also get over my guilt?

Thank you in advance for anyone who is willing to offer me advice or has had similar experiences to mine

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Lucy, welcome

we all make mistakes. guilt is a bad thing !! There must be a purpose for it but its result can be mentally crippling.

I wrote an article in these pages called "Forgiveness and forgetting". You'll be able to find it on google. Put Beyond Blue after the topic.

People in relationships with memories like elephants do themselves no justice. However we should remember that everyone has their own tolerance levels on different topics. And they have that right.

So try to move forward. Love for some can only be replaced with love.

Tony WK