Stepdad passed away now I feel lost

[baw21]

My stepdad passed away 6 weeks ago and Ive never been through heartache like this before. Neither has my mum. I feel so lost and my emotions are up and down. I don’t know if I should move back to my home town to my mum and leave behind a great job and amazing city. I’m just not happy here where I am currently living now he has passed away. I just don’t know what to do.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi baw,

I’m deeply sorry for your loss. The pain must feel so raw and overwhelming. As you said, you’re heart aches...losing loved ones is excruciating.

I hear the deep sadness and confusion in your words. I think it can really tricky to make difficult choices, and I feel it’s that much harder when you’ve just suffered such a huge loss.

I‘m thinking perhaps you might like to give yourself a bit of time to think things through. Maybe you could even write down a list of pros and cons for moving back to your home time as well as a list for staying where you are now. I’m not sure if that’s a suitable idea (it may or may not be) but I wanted to share it with you anyway...

In the mean time, you’re in my thoughts. Please know, you’re always most welcome to come back here to purge your feelings, vent, etc. No pressure of course but the option is always there for you...

Again, I’m really sorry for your loss...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[White_Rose]

Dear Baw

Welcome to the forum. This is a good place to chat about the things that worry and upset you. Thank you for telling us your story.

Grief for the loss of someone you love is devastating and seems to fill your life with pain. This is how I felt after the loss of both my parents. It does get less but at the moment it is all consuming. Making major changes at this time is not usually a good idea. You are happy where you live and work and once your grief has subsided a little you may regret leaving.

Perhaps you can return home for the weekend for a while to support your mom and to help you both with grief. It sounds like your stepdad was a good man to be missed so much. It is hard to get past such an enormous loss. If you do go home talking to your mom about your stepdad can be helpful. Talk about the things you used to do, places you went and how good it was being together. It may sound hurtful to do these things with your loss so raw and that may be so. What I am suggesting is that your remember the good times and how much you all loved each other. I found it really helped to manage the pain.

Being uncertain about what you want is upsetting. In any situation where you are uncertain I have found it better to stay where you are until you can make a more objective evaluation. When your grief subsides a little you will be able to make a more informed decision.

In the meantime see your mom as often as possible and talk about dad . You will know when you should leave your current home or know it's better to stay. Try not to be governed by your emotions. This is my besetting sin and it rarely turns out for the best, but I am learning.

Please continue to write in if it is helpful.

Mary

[IsaJett]

Hi baw

i am sorry about your loss and he must have been such an awesome guy . My thoughts and prayers are with you and I’m sure your step dad is looking out for you and your mom spiritually ..guiding you in whatever your plans are . To this day my grandma who has passed for a good 15 years ..is often my guidance . The pain will lessen each day gradually and you will have the wonderful memories of him and at times almost feel his presence with you right there maybe even know .

thanks for sharing baw21 🙂

[geoff]

Hello Baw, can I offer you a warm welcome.

I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your step-dad, he must have been such a special person, and it's never easy to grieve someone you love because there will be moments when you are worse than other times, that's what is so difficult.

I would be inclined to go back to your mum's and stay there for a couple of days, although it could be a few weeks because to leave a good job and an amazing town isn't good for your future.

If you leave then you have to set up once again, find a job and then get settled, a job might not be what you want and then you may regret leaving your present job.

I know you want to be close with your mother so you can both grieve, that's so understandable, however, you are allowed to have compassionate leave, although it's not a long time, but it may give you time to think about your future.

Is your mum prepared to move closer to you, that maybe an option.

Once again my sincere condolences.

Geoff.