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Stay or Leave?

Community Member

Hi all,
Hoping to get some perspectives on my current situation.
I have been with my partner on and off for 6 years, and we moved in together around 2 years ago. We had broken up in the past due to fights about him talking some online forums in ways that seemed really inappropriate to me (it made me feel very uncomfortable/ I called him out for it because I saw it as cheating, although he disagreed that it was). It was a really tough breakup for me and I ended up on antidepressants to deal with it, however I still reached out to him after being broken up for around a year because I missed him and wasn't coping. He has since sworn that he won't ever do those things again and I haven't seen him doing it, so I assume he is keeping true to his word.

However I am feeling very isolated/ lonely at the moment in the relationship. He is an avid gamer and is constantly on the computer talking to friends/playing games (he works a 9-5, then comes home and plays until 12-1am). I am a University student with a very heavy workload so I am out most of the day, but when I come home he barely wants to talk to me anymore. I have to raise my voice to even get him to notice me with his headset on and he doesn't want to do any activities outside of the house.

It would be very messy if I was to end things now as we have only recently moved into a new place (less than a year ago) and he wouldn't really have anywhere else to go other than back to his parent's place. I also think that if I end things with him I will end up getting depressed again, I don't have a great family life and have had a lot of issues with that in the past, plus I don't have many people I would call close friends.

I have brought this up with him before and he always says he is sorry, he'll spend may 24 hours with me before going back to the computer. I just am unsure what I can do about it.

For reference I am 23 and he is 25, so there is time to sort things out, I just get stuck on feeling like it is a lost cause sometimes. Plus it is a little upsetting that I feel like I am fighting with a computer for my partners attention. This situation probably isn't a big deal, however I wasn't sure where else I could go to get advice. Sorry for the long and probably badly formatted post.

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion


Commonly here with relationship issues we say it's your decision and give some advice but we aren't talking about disagreement but a situation.

That situation includes an addiction (gaming) that is causing your relationship to become non existent. Complaint leads to enough attention from him to keep you happy but really he can't wait to return to the keyboard.

You've listed some ramifications if you separate however one shouldn't justify to oneself to stay for those reasons. It's a little like buying a new car because you want one but you have no income. You have all the reasons to stay but you don't have a active loving partner.

Your youth is your asset. You will make up for what you lose post breakup, a loving caring guy and eventual financial recovery.

So, I'm sorry you're in this situation but he'll just have to return to his parents and experience loss before he'll realise that the hug and warmth you had on tap is greater than animations in alone.

Value your worth, cradle your open heart...and run into the sunlight in pursuit of a better life.


Thank you for the reply
If I do choose to end it, do you have any recommendations for ways to distract myself so that I can hopefully get over it quicker.

I am not great at making friends, and within my degree I spend a lot of time in front of a computer - I know that last time I went through this I found myself checking his facebook etc and I struggled to stop doing that.

I also tended to look for another partner straight away as opposed to being on my own for a while.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello BlueOrchid, what Tony has said I totally agree with.

If he has an addiction and only paying you attention for 24 hours when required, is not how you wanted this to be and your decision is about what you should do and not so much be concerned about where he will go, because at the moment he has no consideration for what you want.

WWhen you are out most of the day, you can't be sure hat he gets up to and may probably cover his tracks so you can't find out and you may eventually develop friendships when you don't have to cope with this, when your mind becomes a little clearer.

It's your decision and you are young, but wouldn't it be easier to decide what you're having for dinner with someone else, rather than confronting an addiction with the computer.

Best wishes.