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Starting over with a partner?

Community Member

Hi Everyone

Very new to all of this. I’ll try and keep it simple and short but I need some help understanding.

My partner recently told me after 2 and a half years that she needed space/break up to sort her self out as she was feeling lost and unsure about everything including us as a relationship along with uni which includes living an hour and a half away and commuting for both of us weekly.

A week later she claims she’s made the wrong decision and wants to start over completely and even start the whole ‘dating’ process again even thought I thought we had already and were still doing this..

i feel that I am only being used for company when she wants while she’s home and when she’s back at uni she’s almost not the same person, being distance and not messaging as often. She is continually doing 180 degrees with saying yes to seeing each other on weekends and then changing her mind the next day. Almost like I am needing to pick the right days to ask to see her.

I’m after some advice of what to do next, do I stay and be supporting while feeling I don’t know where I stand or walk away and look after myself?

i hope this makes sense

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

I had the same situation when really young, I'm 63yo now.

We had lived together for 6 years and I'd wanted marriage (them days it was a bigger deal) but there was always an excuse. But a friend finally pointed out to me that my dreams of a family and marriage wasn't a bad thing, that it was my needs and my needs were as important as her needs. If her needs of no solid commitment was to reign supreme it was time to move on. But I loved her.

So I made the decision to give her 12 months to the day to make up her mind. 12 months passed. I asked her what she wanted to do. The same old non commitment, vague answers. So I left and didn't return, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. At the time I never thought I'd love someone as much as her- that's wrong, other women can love and be loved just as much and in my case I am now married to a wonderful woman that wants me as much as I want her.

In my view she is not being committed. Not being committed means you are free to do as you please and date other girls even just for friendship. She is either with you or not with you.

Hope that helps. We are here is you want to keep posting


Community Member

Hi there Liverpoolfan

I’ll start by being a little flippant. You must be very happy with your Liverpool FC form, going great guns.

I’m not sure how old you are but I’m assuming you’re in the early 20s age group. I also assume your girlfriend and you don’t live together and so during the week there is no time to fraternise because of travelling, University, and work commitments. If I have got this wrong, please correct me.

I’ll be frank, I don’t buy the “I feel lost, confused, I need a break” routine. In my experience, it’s usually masking something else that they do not want to reveal. Think about it logically, a person either enjoys your company and has an emotional commitment to you or they don’t. There is no middle ground. The fact that she changed her mind within one week, tells me that there is other stuff in her life.

It is okay for your girlfriend to say, hey I like you but I don’t want to commit to you fully. Then at least you can understand and either decide to accept the relationship on these terms or decline. I believe if you truly want to make this a serious relationship with respect on both sides, you need to have a full and clear discussion with her about what you see as acceptable behaviour. Then she has the right to accept or decline, that allows you to move on with your life one way or the other. Good luck!

I’m sorry if my advice is blunt