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So not coping

Community Member

Just too much at the moment. I have bi-polar and depression along with having panic/anxiety attacks. My husband has just been diagnosed with dementia. We had my parents  living with us from 2009, Mum passed away in 2010, Dad passed away in 2012, in between in 2011 my much loved son-in-law passed away aged just 40. We moved to a new house in April thus year and to be honest that is all that is keeping me going, 5 acres, chickens, veggies and fruit trees.

I am finding it hard to cope, particularly with my husband. His doctor has stopped him from driving, told him to cut out all alcohol. He complains to all who will listen that I made the doctor take these actions, that he doesnt have dementia, they have all got it wrong. I understand that he is going through his own issues in comung to terms with what is happening. I too am finding it hard, it is playing havoc with my mental health.

i am so low, the bottom of the hole, i just wish sometimes the blackness would swallow me. I have told my husband how I am feeling and he tells me not to be ridiculous and to get over it, get a life. He has become totally unsupportive, and I admit to be scared of how I am feeling.

Anyway, thanks for letting me get it out, much appreciated

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6 Replies 6

Community Member

Hi Living57,

Sorry to hear your going through such a tough time and also your husband. Must be very difficult and overwhelming for you.

I notice that on this website, they always suggest the importance of seeing a doctor and/or a professional to speak to regarding your depression. They can recommend professionally how to help you.

From a person who also suffers depression, my help is only limited. I've noticed a couple of things you have said. You said your 5 acres, chickens, veggies and fruit trees are all that keeps you going. That is fantastic that you have found something which gives you some sort of peace. That is extremely important for you and I would make sure that continues. Maybe try and think of some other activities which you are passionate about. Sounds like animals and plants are close to your heart.

You husband sounds like he is going through a tough time also but doesn't understand depression. Anyone who does knows that it is such a tough thing to deal with. I think it's important at this stage to make sure you help yourself before helping others. When you said you hope the blackness would swallow you, to me, you need to concentrate on yourself and your own well being. Often people concentrate on others to forget their own problems however I feel that with depression, it requires a lot of self attention and work.

Maybe your husband may never understand but we do and you can post your thoughts and feelings anytime to this group.

Keep strong Living57, I hope you get through this tough stage to find the happiness on the other side.


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi living57

you sound like you are strugling big time. I to have bipolar amongst other mental issues so I have a bit of understanding where you are coming from. I am also a nurse specialising in community aged csre soi see many people with dementia which is also a mental illness.it is a horrible disease and it almost always comes with some depression initially as people try to work out what is happening to them. It is important that you both have social support and time apart. Do you have a GP of your own who you can talk to about yourself? is there any support groups for dementia/ alzheimers in your area?it would be good to join early on so you and husband have valuable info and that knowledge that only those going similar issues can understand. There is alot of information on the internet and also at your community health centre if you have one close by.

Spend time in your garden and talk to your chickens. wheni splint up from my husband and was diagnosed with bipolari used to name every weed my husbands name and take great pleasure in ripping them out of the ground. 

Anyway I hope you are able to post again and have found this a little helpful. You arent aline


Thank you for taking the time to reply. It is comforting to know that I am not alone. 

Community Member
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I had not thought of support groups for dementia, so will be looking in to that today, such a helpful suggestion.


Hi Living57,

We are sorry to hear about the deaths of your parents and your son-in-law in recent years, as well as the recent diagnosis of your husband's dementia. You have been coping with a lot of grief and stress for a long time, so it is understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed. It's great that you are reaching out for help and support.

You have described feeling low and finding it hard to cope. It can be an immense struggle to try to deal with this pain on your own. From your post we are not sure if you are currently receiving ongoing professional help from a doctor and/or a psychologist. If not, we would encourage you to see a doctor and get a referral for face to face counselling with a psychologist.

If you are having thoughts of ending your life or harming yourself, please contact the Mental Health team through your local hospital or call the Suicide Callback Service on 1300 659 467. If you are at immediate risk of hurting yourself, please call 000 for emergency services to attend.

Please know that there is help available, and that you do not need to keep doing this by yourself. If you would like some support, you are welcome to call us on our Support Service 1300 224 636, we are available 24/7 on the phone and between 3pm and midnight each day for web chat.

We hope you can get some help soon. 

Community Member

Hi there Living57


Welcome to Beyond Blue.


I’m sorry to hear of all the losses you’ve experienced over recent years and these can be huge contributors to how things can pan out in the future;  so not only your parents (who were also living with you) but also your son-in-law and so young also.


I fully understand on top of everything else why you’re finding it hard to cope and how you’re finding things so hard and difficult.


It’s been great that you’ve had a couple of really lovely responses which I hope have helped, but yes, seeking out your own doc and your own individual assessment is something that you can hopefully do.


I do have to say that I am a tiny bit jealous of you saying that you’re on 5 acres with chickens, a vegie patch and fruit trees.  That’s something that I aim to have as I continue on this journey of my life – time and circumstances at present, but it’s still on ‘the list’.


Kind regards