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I don’t really know where to start because I have so much going on inside my head.
Ive been feeling so lonely the last year. i spend 99.5% of my time alone. It’s not by choice. Most of my close friends have moved away interstate. My absolute best friend died of cancer a few years ago and I’ve never really gotten over it. It feels like part of me died when she did. I considered her my soulmate. I had never had a friendship in my life like that before or after. We just meshed. It’s like we were the same person and we spent basically everyday together.
Now I don’t have anyone to spend my time with so I’m basically a shut in.
I know what people will say to me. That I just need to get out and meet new people...it’s not that simple because I have major social anxiety.
For the first 16 years of my life I was severely bullied for being overweight and had no friends. I’m now 27 and still Whenever I leave the house Now I feel everyone looking at me and judging me and I just want to go inside and hide. I don’t know how to talk to people. My brain just shuts down when I meet people and no words come out. My whole developing years were spend alone and being shut down and criticised by my peers.
I just live a sad lonely existence now and I’m so alone it makes me cry. I don’t see a way out of my empty life. I just don’t want to be alone anymore.
First of all welcome you dont have to feel alone there are many people here who can relate to your experience i think i have alot in common with you especially when thinking people are judging you
My best mate/mentor also died a couple of years ago the loneliness is so overwhelming at times in fact for a long time i was pretty automated in my responses to everything hurting myself more the more i shyed away
Have you thought of talking with a grief counselor about how your feeling maybe reaching out to one of your friends interstate by phone or if theres someone you can visit maybe a road trip
I know things seem like theres no end to the pain your feeling as well as the loneliness but there is sometimes we just get lost in our direction and need help to find our path again
I hope you have someone or somewhere you can have loved ones round you over christmas and that most of all you are in a safe enviroment over the holiday period
Heres are a few ideas I've used before myself. Volunteer in a local 2nd hand shop or if you like animals volunteer with a animal shelter.
When I was younger I moved around alot and people saw my looks not the person underneath so with each new high school then later with each new job I started looking for the people who hung back to make friends with. Those people did not care about my looks or what connections I could give them. They saw me as me warts and all.
Its hard to make new paths in life but I can tell you most people like talking about themselves and any decent defense coarse will teach how to empower your true self. I still remember my Juitsui trainer pushing my head up and making me look him in the eyes because he said by looking down at my feet how could I see the path to my future.
Never look down on yourself your worth way way more than that. Looks come and go but a good heart never changes with time.
Wow what an amazing friendship. It's so hard isn't it. We move with time, it helps, your mind will guide you in your own pace through the emotions, cry hard when you need, I talked to people, you've got here anytime.
Grief counselor they're really good, onya Truckr (Y)
No time limit
How do you feel about talking to your GP who could connect you to a psychologist or counselor. You have/had a lot to deal with in your life, they can help with coping strategies.
Reading posts here's great to, you can get to know others too can help with loneliness. Good people here doing it hard, lot of understanding support & wisdom
Hope to hear how you're going 🙂