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Sitting On A Fence

Community Member

Where to start?..... Right now I don't feel like I'm myself at all. I have two gorgeous little girls who I love to pieces (23mths and 7 months), both with a moderate hearing loss (genetics) - just makes parenting that little bit tougher I suppose.... their father (my current partner) is someone who I'm realising that I don't really "like"... I don't feel supported or valued, nor treated as an equal, I'm just someone for him to snap at, criticise, argue with. We can't work out anything without a drama and often things don't get resolved... so things fester and reappear later.

 He's not interested in relationship counselling at all... he's already been through it with his ex-wife - and I'm beginning to see why their marriage didn't work out. I'm so angry with myself for getting into this situation (not about my girls though - NEVER!) - as if I do decide to leave him, my girls will suffer. I'm soooo tired of feeling down in the dumps, having to dust myself off and think "Things will get better", being told that I'm taking things too much to heart... well.... I have feelings.... I can't just ignore how I feel...

Our relationship was a bit of a rebound thing at the start.... (why I'm angry with myself) ... I was married before to an older guy (15yrs) and we clicked in all ways, but he turned around and told me he didn't want more kids (he has two). I met current partner not long after we split - for comfort I suppose and thought the world of him... how people change.

Anyway- so I now really feel as though I have a bit of depression - I'm not myself, tired, not enthusiastic about anything, very short with my eldest, generally unhappy with life (not suicidal at all - just disappointed with it) and thinking I should pursue some advice about it. I've told my parents and my sister about how things are, they are very supportive of whatever I decide, now I've got to get off the fence and decide what I want/need to do.  

2 Replies 2

Community Member

It's not an easy one just_managing . I'm hearing you though, you're not alone in that struggle.  I had a relationship with someone from that kind of situation too to lose her myself back to an abusive controlling situation where her kids were being used as pawns against her. It's left me very dazed and confused ...

Community Member

Dear just_managing & dazed_and_confused,

What refreshing posts.  Very honest and mature.

It's really common (the relationship mix up) and yet no one really has an answer.    If the angry, difficult partner went with you for couselling would it change things enough to stay on ?  How long would the sea change last before old habits kick in ?   It's just impossible to expect anything at all when one partner refuses any sort of therapy.  Do they really think there's no problem ?

Some of these marriages become so toxic that the sharing of care for, say, just one child is a nightmare.   I know of one situation where the mum would wait inside a Macca's and the dad was only allowed to park up and then they'd both monitor the exchange.  Bit like an old gangster movie trading hostages.  You'd think, in the midst of that kind of family madness, ONE partner would  say "This is crazy, why don't I get my shit together and be responsible and community helpful ?".

Sometimes staying on the fence is the best option.  Good Luck.

Adios, David.