Single at 31....

[Lindsey30]

My boyfriend walked out 4 weeks ago, we had been going through a rough time and not really speaking and i came home from work and he had gone. Since then there has been harsh words from both sides and apparently he has moved on (in the bedroom lets say) I'm totally heart broken we were together 3 and a half years and now i feel totally worthless and a failure.

I wasn't born in Australia so have hardly any friends and my family is across the world. Everywhere i look i see happy couples, engagements on facebook and people having kids. That's all i ever wanted and now i feel that the chances of that have gone. I have even taken blood tests to check my fertility as i'm scared to death of not having any children. I just feel absolutely no joy in ANYTHING i do. I'm trying to force myself to go do things but i just cant find any happiness in it. Even walked down to the beach on Saturday and cried the whole way along it as it reminded me of my ex. When will these horrible times pass because it sucks? I HATE life and see no point anymore really.

[Doolhof]

Hi Lindsey30,

It certainly does sound like are understandably upset and hurt by what has happened to you. Giving someone so much of your life and then have it all disappear so instantly must be horrible.

In a way, you are grieving, having feelings of grief for a relationship that has been lost and for broken dreams that you don't know how they will be fulfilled right now.

It is important that you look after yourself right now, it can be very easy to slip into a downward spiral.

Do you have places where you can go and feel comfortable? Even if it is to a coffee shop. It may be important to be around people even if you don't know them.

Seeing happy couples can be like a slap in the face! Are there things you can do by yourself for a while to help you feel better about your life?

Do you have any hobbies or interests you could pursue?

Tears feel so horrid at the time, they can be healing though.

Is it possible for you to consider having a child on your own?

Can you contact your family to talk to them about how you are feeling?

I hope you feel welcome here on the forum and you are able to find ways to move forward throught he hurt, pain and disappointment.

From Dools

[Damien2812]

It's always tough when a relationship ends. I recently had that happen to me because of various reasons. What might help you is to see some friends and try to move on. What state are you from?

[Lindsey30]

Thanks Dools.

I am trying to get out and about but i hate it every time i go do anything i just feel even more upset and fed up. My sister hasn't contacted me in the last few weeks so she obviously doesn't care and my mum is no use to talk to. I'm feeling very very lonely which is why i came on here. Maybe i just need to ride it out and hope time heels but it seems to be getting worse with time more than better!

[Lindsey30]

Thanks Damien.

I'm in NSW. I don't really have heaps of friends out here so been trying to meet new people off facebook groups but many of them are younger than me and not staying in Sydney long term so makes it hard. My best friend is married and i don't want to burden her with my miserable stuff all the time 😞 uuurrgghhhh anxiety sucks

[Damien2812]

Always difficult when you dont have much friends around. I'm always looking for new friends myself. Maybe we can talk if you need someone to talk too.. 😊

[Juliet_84]

Hi Lindsey30,

I’m sorry to hear about the recent end of your relationship, and finding out by coming home and he had left must have been hard. Everything is understandably very fresh, so please don’t put pressure on yourself that you must be over it already. It will take you some time to grieve the relationship and move forward. In this day and age of divorce and whatnot, a lot of people your age find themselves in a similar situation (myself included). Like you, after leaving my relationship, I found that I had let a lot of my friendships go and others had their own lives going on. I have therefore made a concerted effort to be the one to reach out to them. I am also joining hobbies and doing a bit more socially (meetup is a good group) so I can meet people in a similar situation. I threw myself into dating when I broke up with my ex in order to avoid dealing with things, but in retrospect I wasn’t ready for it. Take your time and try and build yourself back up, it will take a bit of time but that’s ok. We’re also hear whenever you need a friendly ear. It’s a shame this site doesn’t have a friend site or meeting place.

[Sikagn]

You and I are not so different, if you read over my post I am some what trying to move through the same ordeal although my ex partner tried to put a bit more hurt on then just the general dumping of their partner. I am the same age as you 31. Theirs quite a few videos I have been watching by Matthew Hussey on youtube where he speaks to others about break and relationship issues, it has been through this difficult time helped me sort out my feeling/thoughts. I understand your pain, it's not easy. Some of his stuff is a bit silly but the dealing with heart break podcasts are good.

I don't have many friends and if I do they're people not in the city and from online communities. Meet up groups are great but also focusing on your passion or one of your goals and working towards that will help to better yourself and ease the pain of the break up. Speak to family, speak to who you can. Talk about the relationship and open up to whom you can. You need to go through the stages.

You're allowed to cry, I have been breaking down here and there but I also I know I need to let it out.

[LeeA18]

If you haven’t already, go and see a psych. You might not be aware of it but him walking out and you finding out upon returning home could become a problem for you in future relationships and you may get anxious that someone is going to walk out on you.

A few years ago my ex got home to discover that his then fiancé had moved out. I believe he can’t commit now and has anxiety when things started moving along because of that. He has never said it to me but he wanted to take our relationship slow, we didn’t, and he ran when we were about to take the next step in our relationship.

Just an idea you might want to think about.

[Lindsey30]

Thanks everyone for your support, im really trying to move on and “look after myself” and all the usual stuff!! I had fertility tests last week and the results werent good so thats another dagger in the heart and will be expensive if i go down the egg freezing route. Didnt think life was meant to be this hard? Fall in love get married have kids and live happily ever after... not feeling lonely and hopeless that ill never have a family! Its nice to have all the support here it makes me feel less useless