Single and sad

[Timtam494]

Hi,

This is my first time writing on here but I need a little extra help right now. For the last 4 years I have been dating and trying to find someone wonderful for me but it just never works out. I met a great guy this year and I really thought this was going to be a great relationship. But 8 months later he ended things with me and again I find myself heart broken. This time is different though. This time I think I have really given up, I keep thinking this is all too hard and I am just getting hurt all the time. I want to be open to meeting people and open to allowing myself to take chances but I just don't know if I am strong enough to keep doing this.

I also have this overwhelming feeling of sadness and anxiety following me everywhere I go. I am very lucky and I have many people around me who are always by my side and always there for me when I need them but I wish I had the inner strength to support myself and to be more confident and independent and believe all the thing other people believe about me.

Feeling so lost!

Thank you for letting me post and vent, this is a wonderful forum for getting things out.

[CMF]

Hi Timtam and welcome,

I can feel the sadness in your words and am sorry you are feeling this way. The say there is someone out there for everyone and when you meet them you will know it but i know that does not make it any easier. Is great that you have people around you when you need them but i agree it is nice to have that one special one. I havn't found that one either so i can understand your feelings. Do you have any hobbies or can you join any social groups where you can meet people with similar interests? This may also help with raising your confidence as it would be something you enjoy and would look forward to. Sometimes simple things like this can lead to forming great friendships with like minded people and from there...who knows...

Does this xmas/new year period make it worse, it does for me.

I hope we hear back from you. In the social zone of the forums there is the bb cafe and the xmas/new year lounge which you are more then welcome to join in on if you feel like the 'company' today. A few of us will be there

cmf x

[Zeal]

Hey Timtam,

You are very welcome, and thanks for expressing your appreciation 🙂

Dating can certainly be tough emotionally. I had my first date at 19, and only had my first boyfriend at 21. I have been in a great relationship with an incredibly kind and supportive guy for 1.5 years. I'm almost 24, and he's 25. We both know we want to spend our life together. I honestly never thought I would be this lucky, but it happened!

If you don't mind me asking, do you think you date men who have a certain kind of temperament? Unfortunately, it is quite common for people to be attracted to the wrong 'types' of people. For instance, my cousin is often attracted to men who are spontaneous and impulsive. This is an issue because they tend to be unreliable and unpredictable. This may or may not be an issue for you.

If you feel that this sadness and anxiety is dominant and negatively affecting your daily life (which it seems to be), it's important to talk to your doctor (GP) about this.

Here are some great online resources I highly recommend:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=51 (assertiveness)

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=47 (self-esteem)

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=46 (anxiety)

http://www.mindhealthconnect.org.au/ (a general site for mental wellbeing)

I am so glad you have positive and supportive people who believe in you - that's important!

It would be great to hear back from you.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Timtam494]

Thank you both for your thoughtful replies.

I am getting professional support for my depression and anxiety, I am taking medication and last year I saw a wonderful psychologist...but when life gets tough it is hard to keep it under control.

The break up is quite a recent event (last Tuesday) so I expect the overwhelming feelings to continue for some time until I work through everything.

I don't have any extra curricular activities or hobbies as such and I think that is something that is causing a hole in my life because it leaves me with little to look forward to I suppose. But I don't even know where to start with finding something.

I have been attending a social group called meet-up (which is where I met the last guy) and I have made some wonderful friends through that and I was brave and went out to a NYE party with meet-up last night. But as I sat there and watched and interacted with the people I just felt nothing, I felt empty and lonely and 'small' like a child that needs caring for and I walked away from the noise to have a quiet moment by myself and stared out at the river and felt peaceful like I had resided myself to being alone forever. *deep breath ...I'm only 28! How can it be that I no longer believe in finding love?!

One guy even asked me out and I all I could think was 'I don't want to put myself through this anymore'...usually I fall off the horse and keep going....but the last horse (so the speak) has really hurt me, he was wonderful and I miss him.

I hope you both had a lovely new year's eve.

[nzks17]

Hi Timtam,

Your first post is literally how I feel, 100%. You are not alone.

I have also dated for many years trying to meet someone, and had relationships that the men ended, one in particular recently that is really hurting me. I miss him a LOT. Right now, I also believe that love might not be out there for me!

I'm sorry, I wish I could give you some great advice and make it all go away for you, but I can't, if I had the answers I don't think I would be feeling the same way! But what I try to remember is that eventually, maybe after a bit longer this time, you will feel like dating someone again. Maybe it will happen completely unexpectedly for you, who knows. I really just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

Take care, look after yourself and most of all be kind to yourself. You deserve happiness.