Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Sick of being single

Community Member

title says it all

and im genuinely worried its just going to start getting worse...

its the cause of a great deal of anxiety tbh.. just over it

idk what to do because im genuinely sick of this crap... Never before have i felt THIS bad about it..

Today at uni im going to try to sit near a girl ive seen sitting on her own the past number of weeks... Thing is when crunch time comes i know i bloody wont.. i feel like such a panzy.. its just getting worse honestly.. Even just sitting next to her is borderline impossible.. I feel like a lonesome loser who wont get anywhere in life and im over fakery and im over feeling alone...

5 Replies 5

Community Member

Hey HamSolo01,

Can I ask, what about being single do you hate so much? It's totally a valid feeling but wondering what it is for you?

Generally, anxiety and feelings related to anxiety are cause by a pattern of thinking or underlying issue and not by just one event or situation - generally. This may not be the case for you, but do you think that it may be?

Loneliness is a disgusting and debilitating feeling! I so get that you feel over feeling it.

What do you reckon you could do to talk to a girl, sit next to her, etc? How could you make yourself feel more confident?

I know it's a lot of questions, I'm sorry. Hopefully they might help your situation.


Community Member


What i hate so much about being single is the lack of intimacy, happiness and security it provides. It annoys me when i see people taking this for granted.

Group validation is something i dont have either, because i dont have a circle of friends where everyone knows one another. Its all just individuals. It sucks. I thought i liked my space but i actually get sick of it because its a reminder that im alone. I know romance cant be a substitute for llack of group validation (thats pretty screwed haha) but ive given up on moving into any new groups of friends. My only hope is totally new ones. But ive tried to move into new ones and its a waste of time - i feel like the weird outsider who doesnt know anyone and im just like... there. But at the same time i am not.

As i said, im worried its gotten to a point now in my life where i dont have a chance because of the lack of group validation thing... but anyway..

I have no idea in moments like this as to what i can do to make myself feel more confident. I have support from my family... but even then its only a very specific type of support.

I have no idea and its in moments like this i actually end up feeling the worst. Which is bittersweet because it sucks clearly, but then it gives me an opportunity to talk this over with my new psych tomorrow. Thats like 1 good bit.

But i have to survive today and its gonna be soooo tempting to just leave uni.

Thanks for checking by

Community Member

I totally hear you.

I just want to offer a point of view though and it's up to you to take it. I've personally found that placing my ability to feel happy and secure on another human being immediately sets me up for failure because more often than not, people are human and therefore not dependable. Do you think you could find a way to feel happy and secure (intimate is a different story) with yourself? I get it's not an easy thing but potentially worth considering.

You could apply the whole dependence thing on the friends situation. I've struggled to make abd maintain friends for my whole life and I swear it's not because I'm weird, I'm just a little different than the mainstream bunch. I'm so okay with that now but I spent a long time loathing myself and my life for my lack of good, social connection.

I don't want to seem like I'm brushing aside your pain because feeling unvalidated, unwanted or not accepted can be horrible and painful.

Glad that you're seeing your Psych! Hopefully they can give you some solid help.

I truly hope you do get to make some good connections, whether romantic or not.


Community Member

Hey, thanks for getting back to me 🙂

I think you've made a very good point - being able to separate feeling happy and secure vs wanting the happiness and security brought on by intimacy/romance. The latter of those two things is a specific "type" of happiness whereas the former is necessary.

Being different from the mainstream bunch is also something I am. I'm beginning to accept myself in that respect. I feel like that is the secret to me personally finding happiness and security first and foremost.

Feeling unwanted, unhappy and unloved (romantic style) is horrible and there's no argument there. But I think if you can withstand it and learn why it's a problem for you (for me it's an anxiety inducing thing because it makes me feel inadequate etc in social contexts) then you are on the way to fixing it.

So for example, i see many couples around the place. Like a lot. It no doubt brings them confidence and happiness etc. Why wouldn't it? But here's the thing. What they have is a very specific type of happiness. It's not like there is a scale where certain types are "better" than others. I feel like what you've said kinda confirms an approach I've been thinking of lately - the "i'll be happy anyway" approach.

In other words, regardless of the fact that feeling unwanted and such is a horrible feeling - i will CHOOSE to be happy and secure regardless. It's a silly thing really... placing one's self worth in their relationship status. I for one think it exists because of mainstream culture and all its stereotypes.

Anyway, your help has helped so thank you for that 🙂

Community Member

So glad I could help!

You make some awesome points there and hopefully those will sustain themselves.

Good on you 🙂