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Sick, Alone and taken for granted
Unfortunately I have a bad immune system which means a slight cold for 1 person can turn to bronchitis for me and in this case Glandular Fever with Pneumonia - 8wks sick and counting
These long periods of illness causes depression for me
i separated from my husband (who emotionally wasn't the nicest) 2yrs ago. And my family is over east I am in WA so I have no support
When I am well I work my ass off and bend over to help my family (3 teenagers). But when I am sick I get no support, not even from my kids
I have just been told that I am not suppose to reply on them for support in anyway
In doing so I am causing undue stress and depression to them.
I will admit that it has been hard dealing with the emotional overflow from a bad marriage, and I did vent at my oldest daughter mostly in the first 6mths after the separation
i just feel so lost, confused and alone
Dear I am LAA~
I'm very sorry for your circumstances and wish to welcome you here to the Forum. I hope by coming here you find there are some people in this world who do care and want to help.
I'm assuming from what you say it is more emotional support and talk you feel the loss of, rather than practical things such as meals, please let me know if I'm wrong.
It is particularly heartbreaking when children do not return the love and support they have been given, it really does make one wonder what's happened. Being told your illness, bad circumstances and depression is affecting them sounds a bit like a cop-out. Being part of a family is not just for the good times, but for the tragedies as well.
When a marriage is bad one must expect there to be a lot of talk as the grief comes to the surface.
Is there anyone in your family - or a friend - that is reasonable and who you can talk with?
Now, do you mind if I ask if you are under treatment for depression? I found that my state (which was from different causes) really needed medical support to improve. If you are are you satisfied it as effective as possible?
Here at the Forum we have places like this, your thread, where serious topics are discussed. If you have a browse around the relationship-and-family-issues section I expect you will find others who have been in the same boat and maybe see how they have coped.
We do also have social threads such as the Cafe (Forums / BB Social Zone / The BB cafe) where there is a more lighthearted chat.
I hope you feel welcome enough to return and try those resources as well as saying more.
Thank you Croix, I really appreciate your kinds words and reassurance.
What you said about families being the people who we should be able to turn to for support, is exactly what I said. It helps to know I wasn't wrong in my thinking.
Yes, at the moment it is more emotional support then financial. My work has really been understanding.
Even during my marriage I never felt I had any emotional support, some days I just want someone to come in and go. Right! You go to bed and I will sort the house out and the kids. But then again, my 3 are old enough to look after themselves, cook and clean.
And this will sound funny, but just someone to come and give me a big cuddle and tell me that things will be ok. To feel protected and loved - never felt that or had that in over 20yrs of marriage/relationship.
No, I am not on any medication. The low moods go once my physical health returns. And I know you just can't take then drop those types of medication. So I am trying to not go that way.
I live in WA, all my family is in Qld or NSW and I have no close friends.
I did have 1, I wasn't the best friend but I did try, I have anxiety issues when it comes to visiting people/leaving home for social reasons (the anxiety comes from my marriage and what my husband did to me when I did try and socialise)
I feel completely forgotten about by her, she went through 3 miscarriages over the past 3yrs and I was there helping her through it, texting her about 3-4 times each day checking up on her.
I have been sick for 8wks now, and have received 1 message from her and that was when I texted her. It has now been about 3weeks since that message
Sounds like I am just complaining, maybe I just expect too much from other people (I know most are dealing with their own issues)
Dear I am LAA~
Thanks for replying, and for giving more details about yourself. You are in a difficult position and it's obviously no good relying on family to support you, a great pity. I can't say in relation to your friend, so much we don't know.
I do know that many tend to be tongue-tied and feel helpless when someone they are friendly with is in a bad way. It can be so much easier to do a physical task - go get groceries for instance - rather than sit and chat. This leads to feeling inadequate and then a reluctance to be in contact.
The sorts of things you would have liked in the past, someone to take the load of chores of your back for a little while, to show affection and simply look after you, I guess that is what so many desire, and unfortunately it doesn't always happen. Your marriage did not sound good.
I've not been faced with your situation. I guess if I was I'd like contact with people, at least on some level. I know you have difficulties about going out and visiting, however when you are feeling better do you think you might like to join an on-line group of some sort where the common interest acts as a bridge and social pressure is less as a result, perhaps an art class, book club, or whatever is closest to your own interests?
Being on-line should get around the problems associated with your immune system.
Actually I think your anxiety difficulties are something you should try to get treated. They do not necessarily need medication, though I'm no doctor to say. A fair number of therapies specifically address anxiety related to social matters and can be quite successful.
Would you like to say what sort of interests you have?
I too welcome you to the community here. I see that Croix has already shared with you. It must be tough to have such a poor immune system that can have you out of action so to speak for long periods of time.
For decades I have had issues with my back. At times I have been house bound due to the pain, so sort of understand the inability to do things and then becoming depressed about it all. Reading books helped me immensely when I was rather immobile.
Do your teenagers all still live at home? When you are ill, are you expected to keep feeding them, do their washing and everything else that needs doing in a household? Or do they do that for themselves? (if you don't mind me asking)
When my back was really bad, one day I was lying on the floor in agony, my husband came in and asked me what was for dinner? I looked at him incredulously, swore at him and told him I was not making dinner as I couldn't even get off the floor.
As I had kept trying to do everything despite the agony, he just thought I could keep going. By doing so, he just expected me to continue on. It has taken me a long time to realise I can't do everything, and that it is okay for me not to!
I also know what you mean about just wanting a cuddle and some care. I try to self care more these days. I pick flowers from the garden or buy some. Once a month I have a massage as a treat. I take myself to the beach and to cafes for a coffee and cake now and then.
I don't mind doing things by myself, company is lovely also. I can find pleasure in either option.
Cheers for now from Dools
Have figure out that nobody likes or respects me, not even my children who I have given so much of myself to
no I am not the best parent but I am not the worst either
i am giving everyone 5 yrs, until my youngest turn 18 then I am going to sell anything and disappear
i have nothing, not even my health or children. It hasn't gotten any better over the past 2yrs so I don't expect it to get better at all
Sorry to read you are having such a hard time right now. As a teenager, I don't think I had much respect for my parent's either. I had no idea what they were going through to keep us housed, fed, at school and everything else they did to keep us going.
Is it possible for you to get away for a weekend or even go out somewhere by yourself for a day?
I sometimes pack myself a picnic lunch and head out to a park or to the beach. It doesn't have to be an expensive outing for me to feel like I have had a mini holiday.
Your health issues may stop you from doing some things. hopefully you can come up with something that will help you feel better about yourself.