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Should I move on or keep waiting

Community Member
This is something that has kept me up for over two weeks and every day I cry about it.
After a long time from being estranged from my father ( due to domestic violence against my mother) I went to vist him all was good but he took out an intervention order against me saying that he wants no contact. Anyway two years passed we met again by chance we spoke ; he said he loved me and gave me a hug. I gave him my phone number and asked for his, he said he has a message bank and he will call me which he repeated. He also mentioned the past on how my mother took him to court over domestic violence and repeated this several times but seemed nice enough .
I sent some photos and a Birthday card to his address ( he received it however has since moved and I don't know where he lives, I saw him checking his letter box driving passed).
It hurts me that i know he has other adult children (first marriage ) and is active is their lives and I'm rejected.
Everyday I wait for a phone call , hope he can reconnect with me and it is constantly on my mind ; why he doesn't want to meet me and why my mum didn't let me see him when he seems like a nice man. I'm always thinking about this and don't know if I should keep waiting for that phone call or let it be.
3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi hanna

Firstly, l would pursue searching for your dad. Try the electoral roll at any electoral office, white pages, family or friends. Hire a private investigation company.

He could be worried for a few reasons. He might believe you mums influence on you was too far reaching for you to have your own mind (this has happened to me with my daughter).

try writng a letter to the known address. The PO might forward it on.

Good luck. Never give up

Tony WK

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Hanna, I'm in two minds about this, because originally he took out an IO against you and said he wants no contact, plus your mother has taken him to court for domestic violence, but if he wanted to keep in contact then you wouldn't be having this trouble, so in my opinion I would let it go, which goes against what Tony has said, sorry Tony, but that's how I feel. Geoff.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi HannaK,

It can be really tough when we love someone but they do not seem to love us in return or they seem unable to show that love for some reason.

You may be grieving too for a relationship which you so desire but do not have. It might be beneficial to look up grieving and mourning to realise these feelings you are having are normal.

Write a letter to your Dad telling him exactly how you feel about everything, then either tuck it away somewhere or rip it up. Then write another one, keeping your emotions a little more stable. You may never receive a reply or he may respond.

We can not make another person act the way we desire them to.

Tony and Geoff have both given you their opinions on this one. These are just my opinions as well. It helps to write out how you are feeling, so please continue communicating with us here if it helps you.

Cheers for now from Dools