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Should I be alone?
I have been with my girlfriend for about 8 years now, but I don't know if i should be in a relationship or single. I suffer from ADHD and depression/anxiety and have rather rapid mood swings. I constantly think I need to be by myself, and that I would be doing a favour to my partner as I don't think she deserves to have to put up with my mental health for the rest of her life. I would not be able to cope if in 10 years time I am still in the same headspace and she is still trying to help me, in my mind I am wasting her life. I just generally think i'm worthless and deserve nothing and no one in my life. I have expressed to her how I feel many times, but I don't know if i'm scarred of being alone or just to much of a coward to break it off. Other than her, I have no friends (other than her friends) and don't see or speak to my family very often (maybe once a year, or even 2 years). I often think to break it off and just live in my car as that is all I deserve.
Hey ,welcome to the forum I am looking forward to getting to know you.
it would be helpful to know what sort of professional history you have had.
It is so important that you are under the guidance of good help.
That is the only thing stopping you from having a relationship with anybody,partner,work,family and most of all yourself.
Besides all the MH you need to ask yourself,do you love her.
Like I said the more we know about you,the more we can try to help.
My name is Dory,I have bipolar,ADHD,+++++
Hi, Thanks for the reply.
I have seen about a dozen different phycologists over the past 8 years and been on almost a dozen different antidepressants, and nothing really helped. It was just a cycle of seek help, try help, help isn't working, be miserable for a few more months, finally seek more help, repeat again. I got referred to a psychiatrist at the start of this year and re-diagnosed me with ADHD (was treated for it from about 10-15 years old, stopped the meds as apparently I didn't like the way it made me feel - I am now 28). Since then I have been able to function better. Actually passing University, whereas before I couldn't concentrate or get work done.
I have so many people that I can reach out to for help, however I never do. I never want to bother anyone, I am a people pleaser. Im not sure if this is why I wont break my relationship off, as I don't want to upset her.
I do love her, I think. Its hard to say as I dont really like anything. Im kind of happy sitting alone, by myself, doing nothing. I feel it takes so much energy to be social and deal with people.
Needtobealone, first off i want to welcome you to the forums. They are an awesome place that is full of support and coupled with zero judgment.
Straight off after reading your post i thought that if your girlfriend didn't want to be with you, she wouldn't. Being with you for eight years is a decent indication that she loves you for you and accepts you the way you are, but in saying that, there is a huge chance that you can get your depression, anxiety and ADHD under control.
Can I ask if you are being treated for these? I assume that you have the formal diagnoses for them?
When we have depression and anxiety, our thought processes are all mucked up and thoughts patterns are not what they should be but they are treatable.
Hope you post back and lets work through this. As I have said above, she wouldn't be there if she didn't want to so i'm thinking she is in for the long haul.
So a couple of posts as I was writing mine (and being suitable interrupted many times!!).
What are the chances that you can sit down with a couple of people who you can reach out to and chat to them. Even though as you say you cannot do this, I think that you would be so much better off if you did. There is absolutely zero shame in doing this. I think you may find that your mates will be super helpful and if they are not, are they a friend anyway?
I encourage you to do this.
With all the psychs that you have tried, have any been challenging? They are there to challenge your thoughts and treat you. If they are not doing this, you should be going to someone new.