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Sharehouse difficulties

R.Penn
Community Member

Hi, I have not posted in some time. But my circumstances have improved greatly. I am no longer renting a old caravan and am back living in my old share-house, with my boyfriend. He managed to convince my ex housemate to allow me to move back into the home and back on the lease agreement.

It’s been hard adjusting after the history here with said housemate tho. He has not treated my boyfriend (who is autistic and very kind hearted) with much respect and is pretty inconsiderate self absorbed. 

I am trying to focus on the positives while I search for employment and wait for psychology appointments, in between trying to do some CBT and staying on my medication for anxiety. 

 

I went off meds for a month which I regret as this ended up in me exploding in resentment towards my ex housemate and calling him out as a bully. It was way overdue but he caught me when I just wanted to mind my own business and calm down. He cannot read my mood very well, says he doesn’t want to socialise with us, but then tries to small talk to me and we never do anything outside of the home with him. We are living with a stranger who is 10 years my senior. I am tired of the fake vibes. I am struggling at the moment, my boyfriend gets upset over unexpected changes and then I have to carry the emotions after he has vented to me and then I get resentful again against the housemate who I am not talking to as he has decided to purchase a new motorcycle and now has 5 vehicles on the property. Me and my partner share one car spot under the car port. I park on the road. He is now taking up another street park on the road which leaves me no room to park anywhere. 

 

I think these are small frustrating issues (he doesn’t buy dishwashing tabs, or cleaning products or TP for the house ever) but they are annoying because it appears inconsiderate and we also pay more rent as we have 3 rooms now in the house and pay for those. our housemate takes up the rest of the house with his furniture and gets the downstairs area too but he gets to pay a $137 a week which is an absolute steal at the moment with the housing crisis. We pay $435 a week. We just want to feel comfortable in our home which we have a right to spread out too. I am so grateful to have a safe and moderately quiet house in a nice area of the city. But I worry my car is not safe on the street and I will just have to face more trouble because of this housemate. I don’t know is this too petty?

6 Replies 6

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello.

 

It sounds like you've been through a lot and it's understandable that you're feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with your current living situation. As much as it's great to hear that your circumstances have improved, it can be difficult to adjust to living with someone who has caused you pain in the past. It's important to prioritize your mental health and take care of yourself during this time, especially as you search for employment and attend psychology appointments.

 

Your feelings are valid and it's okay to feel frustrated about the small issues with your housemate. I hope that things get better for you soon and that you're able to find some peace and comfort in your home.

 

(I apologise I did not write much about things in your post.... If you want to talk about anything there, please chat. Listening...

R.Penn
Community Member

Hi small wolf, 

 

thank you for replying to my post. It’s nice to know some people are listening. I do not have much support and I struggle being independent. I have decided to let things go with the housemate as it’s wasting my energy moving forward. I don’t enjoy seeing him, and feel weird about moving back in with him seeing as he caused me to make huge decisions and wouldn’t apologise or recognise the stress he caused me. He is very self absorbed and lives in his own world. Doesn’t respect my partner Daniel and has bullied him in the past. 

 

At the moment I think my main problems are unemployment, lack of community and connection. I don’t have any friends where I live and have social anxiety / agoraphobic tendencies to stay indoors and find things to do at home instead. The more people tell me what to do the more I bury myself, yesterday my sister and Melbourne friend decided to call me. But we’re being a bit bossy as I still haven’t found work. I just don’t know what to do next, still stuck and unsure of my capabilities and where I can fit into a job role. one more week until therapy again, monthly isn’t really enough for me at the moment but it’s all I can afford currently. 

 

Thank you for listening, have you struggled being unemployed before too?

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello R.Penn, people read posts written by those who want to, but don't reply as they may not know what to say, but are certainly touched by the situation these people are in.

It's good you are somewhere with a roof over your head, but the distribution of rent doesn't seem to be fair and hope you don't feel as though you are being taken advantage of, however this might be something you don't want to query at the moment.

The longer you stay in the house the worse it will become to venture outside, but understand your problem.

I wonder whether you have taken advantage of the 'mental health plan', where Medicare pay 20 paid sessions to speak with a psych. your doctor can organise this for you and may allow you to have fortnightly sessions.

Your car issue is not petty at all because I know how frustrating it must be for you.

Geoff. 

Life Member.

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with unemployment and lack of support. It takes a lot of courage to open up about your challenges. Io let go of the situation with your housemate, I get that - it's important to prioritize your own well-being and mental health.

I have not experienced unemployment. But I can listen and support you in any way that I can. 

Regarding your job search, it's okay to take your time to figure out your capabilities and where you fit into a job role. It can be overwhelming to receive advice and suggestions from others,  ultimately the decision is yours. You are capable and deserving of finding a fulfilling job that suits your skills and interests. My parents suggested to me to get a job working somewhere like Coles or Bunnings until I got my head straight - if that makes sense. That's will outside my regular world at the time which was IT. Admitted I did not follow their suggestion. (I guess it is also worth knowing that was it was work that got me into trouble mentally.)

 

R.Penn
Community Member

Hi Geoff,

How are you today?

Thank you for writing back to my post. I understand not everyone has an answer and I appreciate peoples time. I think it helps me reaching out even if I don’t get a response. I think there are a lot of people in the same unemployment boat it doesn’t make me special. I just struggle finding community and somewhere I can be of use. I am super grateful for my home, I had a chat with my sister about my housemate and she said to just let it go as I have to focus on myself which I find hard to do when I am ruminating on current problems. I really need to become financially stable and secure which is my main goal and eventually find somewhere more suitable to live, the ongoing increasing rentals is making it hard for everyone in Australia plus the rising cost of food etc. I hear from my sister about everything she has to pay for with 3 kids and cars and rent. It’s very stressful for a lot of low income earners. I always wish I could win the lotto and help all my family out as it seems to have stemmed from from our grandparents and their parents… like a generational poor thing. My friend says it’s pretty hard to break out of your class you are born into… 

 

I have a MHCP but I have to pay $100 for the psychologist I found. She may not be right for me and in that case I will find someone maybe more affordable… I have a good Gp now which has helped but she is on the south side of the city. My car battery broke the other day and I was so stressed out I felt like I was going into another poverty spiral. I ended up homeless last year and I really don’t want to get to that stage again as it’s hard getting a job and a home and I fear it a lot. My heart goes out to everyone who has experienced these circumstances as there is a lot of judgement and stigma still around it. 

 

Our rent isn’t fair at all but it’s the best we can do at the moment I think and it’s still a pretty good deal compared to what’s around at the moment. We just are so tired of this housemate and we always are the ones having to confront him because he doesn’t care about us at all. I just want to find somewhere nice to work and move on from living with him again.

R.Penn
Community Member

Thank you smallwolf, 

 

that’s what my previous counsellor suggested. A job at Bunnings. I tried hah. Coles, Woolworths and Bunnings won’t hire me for some reason. I have tried numerous times. I spiralled on Saturday and really need to talk to my psych next week. I think I did get overwhelmed and pressured. I want to figure it out on my own terms and I don’t know how to kindly tell people to let me be. I had this pressure when I was homeless too and I was couch surfing on my sisters couch and friends spare room, they didn’t like how I couldn’t find a job just any job to get out of my situation. I eventually found the caravan after my friend told me to move on. We don’t talk anymore. I left on good terms but I think I ruined the friendship but over staying even tho I paid them some rent every time a friend gave me a room to crash in until I figured it out… they would get jealous I think that I wasn’t working and they had to work… I do hope she is doing well she has to pay a mortgage which I hear is just as hard as renting now maybe with interest increase. 

I am sorry to hear your work got you into mental trouble, I can totally relate every job I have had I struggled mentally dealing with toxic and unhealthy people scenarios. Are you still in IT? What is the environment like there?

 

Thank you for your kind words