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Severe seperation anxiety

Community Member

Hi, I am a mother of previously 2 under 2. There is a reason that this has a lot of stigma attached, it is really really really hard. And not just until the older one turns two..but well and truly long afterwards.

My 10 month old has extremely sever separation anxiety and will not leave my side for a second. Sometimes she will will go to her father but not for long and she won't let him feed her. The older one is also extremely clingy to me and wants to be held and attended to constantly. Basically its all me, all of the time. I cant even go to the toilet or get myself a glass of water without being yelled for. It makes me feel extremely anxious and claustrophobic. I hope that someone will be able to give me some advice..

2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi 2under2, welcome to the BB forums

I am going to start with a harsh statement. Sometimes, people need to feel pain before they are willing to change.

Now, we could interpret that statement as you are now ready for change, as you have been feeling the pain associated with ever being in demand for your children's attention. And, that would be a solid interpretation.

We can also interpret that statement to mean that before you children become willing to change, that they need to feel a little pain. ​I am definitely not recommending any type physical pain, rather a little bit of emotional discomfort. Let them cry and scream whilst you are away from them, until they calm down, and then come back give them a little hug or kiss. Sometimes we need to go back to them whilst they are screaming, and that's okay. The key is to increase the separation time each time you are apart from them. This helps them to learn, that even though you may be out of physical contact (and/or out of visual sight) that you will soon be back and continue to love them.

The kids need to learn that crying and screaming does not bring you back sooner, rather it brings you back later. When my elder daughter was 3 or 4 she decided to have a screaming fit in the shopping centre. I decided that I wasn't going to stand for it, so I started screaming too (in the same context and style she was). She immediately stopped, and looked at me as though I was crazy (as was everyone else in the centre), but she learnt that screaming achieves nothing.

Well, that worked for me. I have four children.


Hi SB,

Thank you for your reply, it is helpful and I am willing to try the increased increments of separation time to improve the situation for us all