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Severe pre-engagement anxiety

wldlsk12
Community Member

I’m 28 (female) and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We didn’t know each other at all before dating, so it’s not the kind of friendship - romantic relationship scene. I have severe anxiety, and I was seeing a clinical psychologist regularly. My boyfriend has been really supportive on this journey. I have big anxiety issues towards relationship and attachment. However, this year I get extremely anxious about getting engaged - to an extent I couldn’t stop asking my boyfriend on a daily basis. He is more of a ‘present’ person, he doesn’t plan as much as I do. Eventually he set a timeframe, this year September. However, I couldn’t stop worrying about what if he doesn’t propose in September l, I get  very anxious and stressed when he is not looking or buying the ring. I feel sick of myself, however I couldn’t stop it. I feel I’m the last person in my friend circle that’s not engaged at the age of 28. I even facebooked all my female friends and stalked to see what age they got married. I feel very much drained as well. Any suggestion would be appreciated. 

3 Replies 3

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

hello and welcome to the forums. 

 

on the plus side your bf is supportive and you mentioned you have seeing a psychologist for anxiety.  And it can be hard to turn off that switch that tells you all the negative things. I would also ask what coping mechanisms you might have received... which can help to turn off that switch.

 

there are perhaps 2 things I try to practice... the first is the "what evidence is there for .... "  and/or the serenity prayer about recognizing things outside of my control and letting go. 

 

Actually, have you looked at a book called the happiness trap. It also had a number of good ideas that worked for me. You might be able to get it from your local library.

 

Hope some of this helps.  

Whimbo
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi wldlsk12,

 

Firstly, I think it's great that you feel so comfortable with your boyfriend and you're eager to make that commitment with him. It also sounds that he is an incredibly supportive, attentive partner. I'm sure he appreciates that you recognize that in him, too.

 

In relationships it can be very easy to idealize the set path, by thinking 'this is the way a relationship should be.' This is probably related a lot to the 'true love' we see a lot in movies and books, and making upwards comparisons of ourselves, to our friends' well-cultivated social media pages.

 

You are absolutely not alone in this. Finding love and settling down isn't a perfect process, there are speed bumps and detours that all of your married friends have been through too. All you can do is try to trust that your partner wants to do what's best for you, and communicate with him in the healthiest way you can.

Petal22
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi wldlsk12,

 

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

 

I understand that severe anxiety is hard to deal with it can be exhausting.

 

I have a lived experience of severe anxiety OCD.

 

When I was stuck in the vicious cycle of OCD I would constantly seek reassurance and I would have alot of what if questions and I’d constantly ruminate and analyse.

 

I also had a need for certainty.

 

Do you feel you do any of these behaviours?

 

Ive now recovered from this condition thanks to the help I received from health professionals.