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Seperation and children

Nathan36
Community Member
Hi am currently going through a tough time with my partner. We have a 3 year old boy and about to welcome a daughter into the world in june. We argue about the most insignificant of things and its getting worse. I am not concerned about our indiferances but i am concerned about how we will affect our children. I am trying to be absolutly passive when i get blamed for just about everything that goes wrong, i dont want to seperate and destroy my childrens lives and i dont want to constantly have yelling in our house for the children. Feeling stuck and dont know what to do.
3 Replies 3

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Nathan36,

Sorry this us happening to you, its always a tricky situation. How long have things been like this? Could it be the pregnancy that is causing your partner to blame you for everything? It can be hard relying so tired with pregnancy and having a toddler to look after too. Are you able to sit down alone and talk about it. It can be hard on kids when parents separate, it would tough on your partner too with 2 children to care for and not having your support. Kids do adjust but I think if you coukd talk about how you're feeling or have some couples counselling it may help.

hope this is useful.

cmf

pipsy
Community Member

Hi Nathan. I'm so sorry you're going through this emotional upheaval. You have a three year old and a baby to-be. I would say the pressure your wife is under with dealing with tantrums from your son, could be partly the problem. With mothers and mother's-to-be, sometimes, what may seem insignificant to an outsider could be quite distressing for the person involved. Children who know mum is getting a new baby sometimes display jealousy if they feel the coming baby could replace them in mum's affection. Your wife is having to deal constantly with, to you, what may seem not too bad a problem. Have you tried taking your son for a few hours when possible to give your wife some 'time out'. Perhaps your wife is a bit worried she could hurt your son if she gets too upset with him, so she directs her frustration at you, the adult who she may feel is better equipped to deal with her anger. Maybe you could ask your wife if your son is causing her a bit of concern. Let her know you're not judging her, you're trying to help. Hopefully, once the new baby arrives, things will settle down. How long has she got till the birth? Do you know if there are any concerns there? If there are and she hasn't told you, this could be another reason for her frustration.

Lynda.

Nathan36
Community Member
Thank you, yes the pregnancy is causing stress but its been this way since number one. She has preexisting depression and is a perfectionist. Problem is life is not perfection especally with kids. Communication has broken down and hate has set in. I am trying to be completly selfless but its hard to at least question her attacks or disagree. I am trying to get in and see a counsellor but she wont attend. I am going to go by myself at first and see if she can come too. I just dont want to have a seperate family, i love my boy and i dont want them both to have a hard life