- Beyond Blue Forums
- Caring for myself and others
- Relationship and family issues
- Separation, can the kids cope?
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Printer Friendly Page
Separation, can the kids cope?
Hi. I am a 43 year old male and have been married for 20 years and have 3 bright, wonderful and caring children. There ages are 16, 14, & 11.
My wife and I are not close and I partly take responsibility for part of that. I was diagnosed 13 years ago with Anxiety & Depression and find it hard to be close with anyone. My father left me as a child (3) and my step father was physically and emotionally abusive so I grew up being more comfortable In my own company
I feel that i would personally benefit emotionally by seperating however I feel that I cannot put the “safe” and “secure”life of my children at risk.
Am I right to put the kids ahead of myself? I have done it for the past 5-8 years but it is getting really hard to do. They are not far off moving out and feel that they will cope a bit better the older they are.
We have no sex life at all and to be honest I do not really want one with her anymore, she prefers to fall asleep on the couch EVERY night rather than to come to bed and I am now really happy with that scenario
We are asset rich but cash poor so there is a huge financial implications on my decisions which is also impacted by my a & d.
I thank you all in advance for any advice.
If you're not happy at home, then isn't it better for you to be separated and happy, rather than being in a marriage where no one is happy. Geoff.
At this stage the kids appear to have no idea of how I feel and my wife is probably the same.
I just know that once I start going down this path there is no returning and that is hard. I am somewhat of a control freak and struggle with putting myself into positions of vulnerability.
It may come to that anyway 😞
As someone who grew up in a broken home (twice as my dad divorsed twice when I was a kid). First time I was 5 years old and it was really hard. I don't remember much. However the second time it was easier. I will tell you I would rather be baught up in a broken home with two happy parents who love me then a family together that do not love each other and are not happy. I am guessing if your wife is sleeping on the couch she is not as happy and maybe suspecting that is the case. I think your kids may know more than you think. Dad thought with his second wife we didn't know anything, but we knew they weren't happy and that they were arguing a lot. Kids know more than you think. I think if you are not happy then you need to talk to your wife and maybe go from there. Maybe see a relationship councellor and see where it takes you.
Sorry I don't have the best advice but I just wanted you to know that your kids can be happy even if you seperate