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Separated from Wife - Struggling to Cope

Community Member
Hi guys. 


Well in a nutshell a few months ago I separated from my wife. We'd been together for 8 years, married for 3 and had our fair share of ups and downs like any normal relationship. 

We'd been trying for children for nearly 5 years and to no success. Both of us have clinical reproductive problems Southey was a huge factor and prior to us a plotting we were in the midst of starting IVF. 

We'd broken up last year for a whole day. Managed to work things out and things were great for about a year, up until a few months back. 

All of a sudden we'd become so distant. I felt like she wanted nothing to do with me, there was zero connection. We'd experienced this in the past, but this was always when she'd be getting close to a male friend. Whilst she never saw it as a problem and I never thought anything bad of it in terms of stepping outside the borders of a friendship she invested a lot of time in these friends and not us. 

Now for her birthday I took her and my parents and my parents away for a trip. Late during the night I'd gone to bed early, and my wife and stepdad were the last up. Now my mum claims she saw them kissing next to the camp fire, she went out caused a scene, and yeah. I trusted that they didn't. 

Well a few weeks after that I decided to seperatexfrom my wife. We'd be growing further and further apart, and she was investing a lot of time and energy communicating with my step dad. I said that we heading two separate paths. I'm struggling to know who I am and what my purpose in life is, and I just can't cope with this extra crap. 

About a month later I got an internal transfer with work and moved to Melbourne. Whilst down here, last week in find out that my ex - wife and step dad are now dating. 

I'd heard various rumours, but it was confirmed after I saw the photo from our House For Sale listing in the master bedroom. 

I confronted here about it, and she acts like it's all ok that she has every right to move on and that's she's not doing anything wrong. 

I just don't know what to think anymore. I don't know if this did happen or not whilst we were together, or if there was more people of the course of our relationship. 

As I speak now, I just feel so upset, De-energised, no motivation to do anything. Constantly feel sick, tired or anxious about something. I'm struggling to go out and do something, when I muster up the courage to go out, I'll either get to where I'm going and turn round and foreshore, or leave early during. 

I supposed to go to the races yesterday with friends, but told then I was sick. I honestly could not go, I felt sick, lifeless and just couldn't justify why anyone would want me there or even miss my presence whilst not. 

I really don't know what to do. I just feel so low. It feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders even though I know I dont. 


Thanks for reading folks. 

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Sektor, stories of possible infidelity remind me so much of my own situation when I was married.

This isn't only upsetting for you but also for your mum so deception has ruined both marriages.

She has maybe done this before 'she'd be getting close to a male friend', and although she doesn't believe this to be a problem, well it is really, especially in a marriage.

I never saw my ex embracing someone out of the ordinary, but I know she was ringing someone from a public phone box, however she did stay out one night but she said she was working, which I never believed.

The feeling you have is terrible, it's no different than losing your first sweet heart, and the problem is that it's happened at least a couple of times, maybe more, who's to know, I'm sorry to say, so I think you know what I would do.

It's a very unfortunate and awful experience to have to go through, but you I don't think that you can trust her, sorry. Geoff.

Community Member

When you love someone with everything you have got and do the world for them, you in some ways, expect they feel the same way about you. But unfortunately this is not always the case. Many enter and stay in relationships for other reasons. And some unfortunately have no issue in seeking affection elsewhere and may just stay with what they know because it is too hard to move on, on their own, or they simply don't wish to be alone. So until they find someone who will take them, they hang around, with little or no consideration on the hurt they are causing on you. This in my view is a dog act. 


Having been brought up as a child through a marriage gone wrong, with infidelity and also having been cheated on myself, I know the feeling. The best advice I believe, and what I have done, is to seek out those things in life, such as friends and hobbies you have, and embrace them. Keep yourself busy, stay fit, exercise, keep the mind occupied. Get out and meet people. It is hard, it takes a long time. But you have to, for your own sanity, move on. And maybe one day perhaps, it may be for the better. You will meet someone who will love and treat you right. There is always hope.