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Separated from my wife
Yours is not an uncommon story. Like you, I also though my marriage was rock solid; after 30+ years who wouldn't.
If you spend some time on this forum you will see this same story over and over again. I can't explain why, but for some reason one spouse gets board with the marriage and stops trying to make it work.
Sometimes the decision to separate is clearly defined and justified; other times there is no obvious reason for the separation. One spouse is simply not interested in trying to fix the problem, assuming there was a problem in the first place. It could very well be that you were not the problem, just the excuse.
In regard to your separation, to my knowledge, there is no such thing as "legal separation papers". Perhaps you meant that she has started "property settlement" proceedings with her lawyer. If that is the case, she is running towards a divorce. You will need to get your own legal advice if that is the case.
If you ever figure out why a good marriage falls apart, please let me know.
Stop blaming yourself!
You a right in saying that you will never understand the situation. Sometimes there is no rime or reason for the breakup. I've been looking for a reason for 12 months; I still don't have a satisfactory reason.
Are you getting some professional help from a phycologist? I didn't find them particularly helpful, but you might if you a breaking down at work.
If you are having problems with sleep and anxiety (and your probably are) you might want to visit your doctor. He or she will most likely prescribe an antianxiety medication. It will made a huge difference to your quality of life. I know it helped me a lot.
Just a few thoughts that might be of some assistance!
I know exactly where you are coming from. Unfortunately, she does not feel the same way at this point in time.
Perhaps a little time apart will change things for the better. Sometimes people do not realise what they have until it's gone. A few months down the track she might realise that the marriage is worth saving. The grass may not be as green as she thinks.
I agree about the counsellors, I found them to be less than helpful. I thought it was just me.
some very accurate and valuable comments thus far,
Your grief period can’t be quelled without time. What can help is distraction. After 8 weeks following my separation I bought a block of land (regional area) and bought a kit home, worked and extra job etc. too tired then to think about the situation.
Another but of advice I got was to realise kids are more resilient than us parents. Sure they hurt but they are cared for.
will you recover-yes, will you see things clearer one day- yes especially if you find another partner
In a few short years your children will be driving to your place for visits. Make them as comfortable as you can with some very basic boundaries and they’ll love coming and going.
please place these thread topics in the space bar at the top
Distraction and variety
the best praise you’ll ever get
meditation, he helped me for 25 years-Maharaji
Take care and reply as often as you like in those threads or here.
It does appear that your relationship was just cruising along, more of a friendship or partnership in the end? Is that fair to say?
I guess what I'm realising myself now is that, is it really fair on someone to stay with a person because they share children? Everyone deserves to be loved and happiness but if it's not there then maybe it is best for the marriage to finish.
I have children too mate so I know how hard it can be for them