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Separated and staying in same house ... She is seeing someone else
This is a tough situation you find yourself in. Sounds like you really want things to work with your wife. Must be tough knowing she is out with another guy while you are at home looking after the boys.
Not really sure what to suggest here. Geoff has mentioned some form of counselling. If your wife is up to some relationship counselling that would be great, but it seems like she has made up her mind as to how she wants things to be!
I would certainly suggest you try to get some advice and help for yourself. I can totally understand that you are not in a good place mentally.
You could share more here if you feel like you are able to or want to. You could call the Relationships Australia number and have a chat with someone there. They might be able to offer you some advice.
You could call the Beyond Blue phone number or use their webchat service. If you look on the internet or in your local phonebook you will find all kinds of groups and organisations you could call for advice or just to have someone to chat with.
You may also have to start setting rules and boundaries with your wife. You both need to be available and responsible for your children. This situation must be affecting them, maybe more than you both realise.
Hope this has been of some help to you! Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools
She is cultivating a new relationship while you are looking after the children - how is that going to help you save 'the marriage' Alx? She has free babysitting. Yes i know you love them - they are your babies but you are allowing her the freedom and opportunity to be with another man & then come home to her freshly bathed children who are oblivious to this bizarre charade. It's almost too convenient!
Regardless of your trying if she has made up her mind and is not open to reconciliation you are just prolonging the inevitable & setting yourself up for a whole ton of hurt and from my distant observation she has already left the building.
I understand you want to keep the family unit together but at what cost? possibly playing stepdad to another man's child if her new love interest bails out? And seriously, for just how long are you willing to play this out? Things can get a whole lot messier when we don't know when to let go. How many more date nights? how many more boyfriends?
Oh what a handful Alx.....your post almost makes me lost for words... However now that you have given us a more detailed version of your unfortunate predicament it all makes sense - the coin fits the slot. I am pleased for you that you are no longer emotionally distressed and that things are now 'real' however living in your ute? - surely you kid with me! A man of your disposition surely has friendly allies in times of need no?
You are in my thoughts Alx - I cross fingers for you and your 3 precious babies 🙂
Just checking in to see how you and the children are getting on.
I hope you are all safe and secure and something has been organised for you all.
You have certainly found yourself in a very unfortunate situation. I hope you are able to eventually move on and provide a safe and secure home for your children, or are they staying with their Mum? Either way, I hope you will be able to have quality time with your children.
Wishing you all the best from Mrs. Dools
I can emphasize with you as I am in the same situation. We have been married for 27 yrs and separated for 1 month. I have 19 and 21 year old sons at home.
I know my wife has been dating and seeing this guy as it was an EA before the separation. She admits nothing but all the tell tale signs are there.
I have since moved on and have a peace about it (we understand why our relationship has gone) however, I would rather she not date whilst we are still married and separated under the same roof.
I am half tempted to boot her out the door as she has agreed she will go but will be very hard up to live. I feel a need to still provide for her so torn up between this and getting on with my life and kicking her out.
Seen a counselor a few times and between the counselor and my friends, the transition has been so much easier.
If she ever came around and asked to re-conciliate I personally would not be able to trust her again as some of her actions are definitely mid life crisis and elevated desires etc and she would probably go wondering again.
My two sons think it is the best for me and say I am so much carefree cooler and joy to be with. They want to stay with me and see and do very little with my wife now. They see her as the big bad ogre 🙂
Anyway, it is tough but hang in there as my first few weeks was a shocker. Above all make sure to speak to others constantly. Every time I spoke to someone I came away feeling that little bit better.