Sad & Lonely

[Spw63]

Hi all I recently joined well I’m married but very sad and lonely. I told the wife I was seeing a psychologist but no reaction so not sure what to do she has no idea how bad I really feel.The main problem is that I met a lady online we chatted and flirted it was so much fun she’s gone now but made me realise how sad and lonely my life really is.So hard every day to keep going

[Quercus]

Hi Spw63,

I'm glad you've joined the forums and reached out to others for support and it is a good thing that you're seeing a psychologist even if you didn't get the reaction and support you wanted from your wife.

Sad and lonely. That seems strangely common in many marriages. We expect and hope for a caring loving spouse but often over time we just disconnect from eachother which is a shame because there must be reasons you chose to marry eachother.

I wonder if your wife would be open to an honest conversation? Sometimes we assume our spouse knows what is happening within us. But the reality is noone but you knows what you're feeling inside. It takes you communicating it to her. I did this in writing to my husband. He asked me to write out my day after a very bad day without censoring anything. He knew I wasn't right but had no idea I was suicidal. To me it seemed so obvious.

You said noone knows how badly you feel inside. How badly ARE you feeling? Are you safe?

There is a very good helpline called the suicide call back service who I recommend registering with. You don't have to be suicidal to call. If you feel very low they are an excellent option. The website is www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au.

I hope you feel able to keep talking here and most of all to talk to your wife about what is happening and how you need her support.

Please take good care of yourself.

Nat

[Spw63]

Thanks for the reply yes I have been in that dark place a few times. I usually get online and do some reading that always helps or I can make a phone call we have a system through work.

[Quercus]

Hi Spw63,

Thanks for replying. It really does feel nice to know your post has been read.

I'm glad you have access and use the helplines and also have ised reading to cope. Do you have a safety plan at all? There is a BB app called beyond now which is worth looking at. I have found it helped to ask my husband to help me with it. Do you think this might be useful to you?

Do you feel reconnecting with your wife is possible with work? The passion of a new relationship is appealing but it is worth examining if you and your wife want to repair your marriage. Do you think she'd come to therapy with you?

I hope you can keep writing. New threads can take time to have more replies but it is worth persevering. Also join in wherever you like on the forums. This is a safe and welcoming place.

Nat

[geoff]

Hello Spw63, my reply yesterday didn't go through, but pleased Nat has been speaking with you and offered some great advice so that's great.

I'll leave it up to her to speak with you, but I just want to say that loneliness in a marriage/relationship can put you at risk of developing depression and/or anxiety and can make you start to feel negative, and by being married doesn't mean that you won't be lonely.

Talking to someone online may temporarily alleviate this feeling but if they suddenly leave then are you going to feel worse or does it give you a boost?

Has your psychologist been helping you?

Geoff.