Hello Milly, welcome to the forum hun. I am so sorry for your loss. Grandmas are very special people. I lost mine many years ago and still miss her so much.
It doesn't seem like it now, while the grief is raw, but there will come a time when it eases and you'll be able to think of your Grandma without hurting so much. You will remember her love and great influence in your life fondly. I do believe that our most loved people never really leave us, we just can't see them anymore. They truly do live on in our hearts and minds. But it takes time to get to that feeling.
Something that I realised many years after my Nanna died - I wasn't the only one grieving for her. Now that might seem obvious but at the time mine was the only grief I thought about and in doing that I think I missed an opportunity to share how I was feeling with other family members who were feeling it too, especially my mum and aunties.
Can you share this, in an open and honest way, with your family? Support them and let them support you? I know that's not always easy and it depends on everyone's way of dealing with grief - my dad for example was the 'strong silent type' and very hard to have a conversation with about emotional things. But if you can, there's a good chance someone else is feeling like you are and will welcome the chance to talk.
Also hun, while grief is a natural, even healthy, part of life, it can lead to other less healthy things like depression, isolation etc. That's where a good grief counsellor can help. Have you thought about seeing one? I really recommend it.
My very best wishes to you Milly and I hope you'll stay with us. Sometimes even just getting thoughts and feelings out of our minds and into the open helps. And we're here, whenever you need us.
Kaz
