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Well this is the first forum ive ever been apart of about this stuff..
Im 24 and have had a myriad of anxiety problems in the past....health anxiety...general anxiety and just about every form of anxiety you could have.
This one has really got me to make a thread and ask help because this is something that i dont want to do the wrong thing.
I have been with my current gf for 7 months now....she is an angel of a girl...best girl ive ever met, treats me well and also understands i do have anxiety issues. As of recently have been having higher than normal anxiety....lost my job so have alot of time to ruminate....we talk alot and we see eachother alot...why am i asking myself the question "do i love her?" i know i do but for some reason i keep asking that question and because i ask that question it makes me think "if u really did you wouldnt ask this" but then the thought of her not being in my life legit makes my stomach drop which is why i am making this thread.
Alongside this i saw another thread poster who mentioned the thought of breaking up with them is because it may rid them of this constant questioning
please help, i can deal with other anxietys about health and what not but this has really gotten to me and its making me depressed because i do not want to lose her...she is 1 in 10000.
Dear Blake Slak~
Welcome here, I can relate to what you are going though and in my case can say the doubts were false. I'd say that having someone like your GF is a real blessing.
At one stage my anxiety, depression and other things got so bad my thinking started to really lead me astray. I was sort of disconnected in a way from myself and simply was not able to tell what I was feeling. I knew I had a partner and got to the stage I did not know if I loved her, or in fact if I was able to love.
I went to far as to think it might have been habit, or me taking advantage or similar.
That being the case your doubts sound pretty familiar. Particularly as you say yourself your anxiety is pretty bad right now plus circumstances like losing your job are extra sources of stress.
I'd imagine when you are unsure like this your caring nature is questioning if you are doing the right thing. My answer would simply be to treasure her.
May I ask if you are under treatment for you anxiety? It sounds pretty bad and if you are like me then medical help is a pretty good thing to get. I simply could not improve until I had competent professional help with medications and therapy.
If you are being treated I'd suggest going and saying it is not being effective enough, and if not then going to the GP would be an excellent thing to do at this time. It might seem hard to lay your problems out before a doctor, but only takes a little while and can reap big wins.
Recurring doubts like this can have a pretty corrosive effect and do need fixing
Please come back and talk some more
Hi , thank you for the reply ...greatly appreciated.
Firstly...also to note i think maybe im feeling like this is because im the type of person to want isolation when depressed so now im feeling like this and she wants to talk or hang out i dont want to which makes me think i dont like her because i dont want to spend time with her.
As for help....i dont want to use any antidepressants, seen it turn people into zombies....i have moreso anxiety than depression.
Hello Blake Slak, welcome to the site.
WHtyou maybe having are 'intrusive thoughts', these are unwelcome thoughts about your relationship such as do I love my partner and doubts about your relationship and are known as obsessions.
These thoughts are where you worry about your relationship, even though you do love her, but constantly wondering whether you do or not, questioning and thinking about her qualities, this is part of OCD and
These thoughts are distressing and cause extreme anxiety and discomfort but it's this illness that's making you think like this, it's happened to me for years as I have OCD.
This can be treated a couple of ways, one is ERP ( Exposure Response Prevention Therapy).
ERP is is when you voluntarily expose yourself to the source of your fear over and over and over again but not acting it out, you force your brain to recognize how irrational it is.
Another way is by CBT, which teaches you to understand and change negative your thinking patterns and behaviours, where you are taught problem-solving skills and to practice them so as to build positive habits.
These can be done by getting a referral from your doctor to see a psychologist, but ask your doctor for a 'mental health plan' which entitles you to 10 free sessions per year.
I know how awful these thoughts are but from my experience, none of my thoughts
Please let me know how you get on.
Hello Blake Slak
Thankyou for having the strength to post with us! You are proactive with your health and good on you
I understand you as my anxiety started when I was 23 and it was an awful place to be in. I feel your pain. Just to let you know that I made a mistake when I was diagnosed and didnt get the treatment early enough which only compounded my anxiety....which was followed by depression unfortunately
Croix is spot on mentioning "Recurring doubts like this can have a pretty corrosive effect and do need fixing" I wish I had the same advice when I was in my mid 20's
It took me a few years to understand that the earlier anxiety is treated the better our recovery will be. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by having a talk to your GP.....a double appointment is a huge move forward to finding the peace of mind you deserve 🙂
You have a wonderful GF Blake and are fortunate to have such a special person in your life.
Sometimes we have to treat our mind with the same respect as our physical well being too.
I hope you can stick around the forums with us Blake 🙂
my kind thoughts for you
Dear Blake Slak~
Thanks for coming back and explaining more. It's very understandable to not feel up to contact when things get bad, I've been very much that way myself and even responded with anger and resentment when my partner tried to help. It did make her back off but at a price. I still do not think it is a lack of love on your part. After all if someone presses on a wound, even inadvertently, you want them to stop.
I guess those that want to help and love a person with anxiety and depression really need guidelines, and they are not easy to find. I tried to explain, as did my psych, to my partner what things were like and also that unfortunately I was not consistent. Asking how I was one day was OK, the next met with impatience.
I suppose I ended up getting across the idea that contact was a form of pressure, some days I could cope, others not and my partner had to try to judge what sort of day it was - which she was amazing at.
So perhaps talking wiht you GF and explaining that while she means a great deal to you there are going to be many times when she will not be able to get much out of you, and that listening rather than talking or asking questions is most often good.
With medical support, all I can say is that while it took a long time to find what suited me I now have a regime that has stood the test of time and does not make me in the slightest zombielike, well I don't think so anyway:) It is true I did try an awful lot of meds of different sorts to get the right one.