ROCD new relationship

[Katydidx]

Hi,

i have had OCD since I was a teenager but it had only started to affect my relationships in the past 2 years. Originally my intrusive thoughts surrounded being worried about throwing up outside of the house, eating too much food outside of the house, needing to go to the bathroom multiple times at home in case I needed to go in the car, worried about getting to hot etc these have settled over the years but can flare up if I become stressed. In 2016 I had been with my then partner for a few years and woke up one day with the sudden thought of ‘what if I don’t love them anymore’. This caused huge anxiety and I went downhill quite quickly. I was struggling to sleep, eat and do anything that required myself to be alone with my thoughts such as showering or driving. I was constantly looking at photos of us, checking my feelings, googling ‘what if’ questions and just in general searching for reassurance. Luckily the googling lead me into articles about ROCD and I started to see a psychologist and got everything back under control. I was still having panic attacks and was very up and down but I was functional. This partner and I broke up eventually and I have been single for a little over a year. This was a good year and I was able to bring my mental health back under control. In January of this year I met a new partner. He is a very lovely guy and I have a good connection with him. But my old ROCD stuff is starting to flare up again. I feel like a wall is built up in front of me and he is beyond the wall. Sometimes I feel so disconnected and awkward. I’m always worried we have nothing to talk about even though we do! Sometimes I feel very excited but sometimes I feel numb. When people ask me how it’s going I say good and that I like him but then I feel like I’m lying to everyone including myself. I’m worried I’m only with him because I want to be in a relationship and that I’m forcing something that is not there even though I’m fine without being single. In fact being single sounds more relaxing knowing I don’t have to worry about any of this 😣😣 I don’t know what to do.

[geoff]

Hello Katy, please let me welcome you to the site.

OCD is always a dominant thread because what you and I and everyone else who has OCD struggle with are 'intrusive thoughts', so basically love can become extreme making it an obsession, that certainly doesn't mean anything except you love him.

Your new love is an infatuation whereas love may take some time to develop and what you do want is some company even though being single maybe more relaxing, but only for a short time.

I have just replied to someone called 'Sever' and the thread is called 'Hello' where I talk about intrusive thoughts, but there is also a page on this topic if you google it.

I would really like for you to come back to me as there maybe a million other questions.

I'm someone who has had OCD for 58 years and I know that people who have it are frightened, scared and unsure what they do and by asking questions is the only way to ease your mind.

Your GP will be able to help you if you book an appointment, but please get back to me.

Thanks.

Geoff.

[Katydidx]

Thanks Geoff for your response. It’s always nice to know we are not alone with only our thoughts for company.

Having a relationship while feeling anxious can be such an awful thing. I’m constantly worried that’s he not going to reply, or that the reason he doesn’t want to see me is because he doesn’t like me. This will worry me for several days and then flip and I’ll start worrying that maybe I’m settling and I can do better then him, that I should aim for someone who treats me better then him, that there’s not enough spark. It’s exhausting to say the least. I’m going to see the psychologist next week but I am always worried that this will never go away and that I will never be able to just enjoy a relationship without being constantly plagued by worries ☹️

[geoff]

Hi Katy, I always thought the same way as you, especially when they say they would ring you back in a few minutes, so you sit by the phone and every minute seems as though it's an hour long, that's being anxious feels like.

This fear you have is exhausting, but it will lessen over time as the relationship develops because each day there will be something new that you learn from the r/ship that starts to build up your confidence.

You know that in 10 minutes he has always rung you before and if he is held up then an sms will be sent.

That's how you can grow with him.

Geoff.