Relationships with colleagues

[Little_Orange]

Hi everyone. I'm posting because I feel like I'm making my work colleagues miserable even though I don't want to. I am really sensitive to things my colleagues say, I get angry too easily, I and I am constantly asking my supervisor for reassurance even though I know it must be super annoying. I'm also attracted to her and I feel jealous when she gets on better with others in the team rather than me, even though I totally understand why she would. I know I'm exhausting. She tries to be patient with me but I'm expecting that inevitably it will get too much for her and she'll give up on me and I'll be devastated and not able to cope. Which I know is not a normal response because she's just a colleague. Today she said my behavior was immature which is true and now I'm ashamed to go into work tomorrow. I see a psychologist who thinks I have GAD but I wonder if maybe I might have a personality disorder. I know I can't keep behaving childishly but I don't like myself and I feel miserable and disconnected and lonely and I want others to understand that I'm hurting and sometimes it feels like the only way people will notice is if I make a scene, but then I feel even worse because of the shame. I apologize but it starts to feel empty after a while even though I am genuinely sorry. I have had several dysfunctional friendships over the years and several close friends gave up on me because I was exhausting. Now I assume it's inevitable so am always paranoid about when it will be the last straw. I have a lot of trouble sleeping which makes things worse and on top of the relationship issues I'm worried about losing my job or having to quit. Thanks for listening.

[geoff]

hello Little Orange, thanks for posting your comment, and I'm sure that you have been feeling this way for a long time, it's a lack of confidence you are suffering from, and with this it also means that along with your GAD you are feeling insecure.
To keep asking your supervisor for reassurance I think could be annoying, but you can rise above this by getting help from your doctor/psychologist.
Remember we all make comments that we should never have said, even PM or Presidents do exactly the same, even though someone writes their speech, but when this finishes it's when they are off cue and don't worry your supervisor will do the same at some point in time.
Can I ask you to google this 'how to gain confidence at work', as well as to make an appointment with your doctor, and hope to hear back from you. Geoff.

[Little_Orange]

Thanks Geoff for taking the time to reply. You have made some good suggestions.

[geoff]

Thanks Little Orange, it would be great to keep in touch with us. Geoff.