Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Relationship troubles- switching girl

Community Member

Hey all,

I've got to know a girl for a while. Then she started dating someone else. We still caught up as friends. She is now single and we have been on a date and spent a few perfect days together and talk about being together and dating and going on a second date.

Recently she has come out and admitted she has 2 personalities and her psychologist doesn't know about the two. Also she said she has anxiety, depression, schizophrenia and a few other problems. She also said I'm the first to ever notice her two personalities and that it effects to our relationship. It's never effected her relationships before.

Her true/real personality that loves me, only wants to be with me and finds me the most sweet handsome man. Plus she talks about never wanting to give me up or loose me.

The other one she pushes me away, doesn't want to talk and she goes out having sex with multiple guys. We spent the morning together for a bit as she was sick and she told me I looked after her so well right down to the little details. She told me I'm one of a kind and never wants to loose me.

Tonight she has switched and become very distant. She didn't even acknowledge when I said today was so perfect getting to look after her and it made me feel so special inside. Even thlugh earluer she couldn't stop saying how perfect it was. She ignores some of my questions and seems very distant.

I love her very much and want to be with her and when she is not switching she wants the same. She has told me this face to face and in texts.

What can I do in these times where she switches and what can I do to support her without pushing her away?

How do I cope with this as well?

It's a challenge I want to take on because I love her to pieces. Not because I want to help her but because I love her very deeply like she does with me.

Has anyone else experienced this, is a person who switches and where can I get professional help on this so I can help and support her in the good and hard times?

4 Replies 4

Community Member
I'm extremely worried you are entering into a dangerously codependent relationship. Be very careful. I'd be running hard in the other direction, sorry

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Sweetman,

Not only are you sweet, you sound very honorable and for this I applaud you. Apollo does have a good point however - you seem to be developing a co-dependency with this person which will at times offer you bliss and purpose, and at other times despair. Make no mistake, her emotional swings will take you along for the ride.

My suggestion would be to take it really slow. See this as a friendship until you figure out both personalities and whether or not you are up to taking this on at a much more intimate, full-time level. Great to be of help, but if you become addicted to her "needing" you, and she becomes addicted to you being there, not much good can come of that unfortunately. Relationships that are healthy must happen for reasons other than dependency. Keep this in mind.

We are here to chat mate, anytime. Good luck.


Community Member

Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind, or at least show tough love.

My Mum is schizophrenic and quite frankly if someone came to me wanting to date my Mum in this situation outlined above (and yes, she was very attractive in her day), I'd say sorry buddy, you're not.

It's a challenge I want to take on because I love her to pieces

My Mum is nobody's project or toy. She is vulnerable and this women sounds vulnerable.

First thing I would be doing is getting her re-assessed and ensuring her safety. She may have co-morbid conditions, schizophrenia and something else, that happens all the time. But splitting and separate personalities sounds like chronic dissociation or some other trauma syndrome. The mere fact that she knows she splits is insight. Insight can happen in some people with schizophrenia, but huge percentages have zero.

Co-dependency may come across as snug love. It's not. And can exacerbate symptoms, in fact even make them sky rocket.

My siblings and I often say "If only Mum had found someone like X, Y and Z". Interpersonal relationships antagonise everyone's mental health. A healthy relationship can be a god send to someone suffering for any mental health condition.

I would go your separate ways until she gets properly assessed and treated.

Please show compassion to her.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi SweetMan, welcome to the forums.

Your girl friend obviously needs to be honest with her psych if there is to be any hope of reclaiming some measure of control over her life. Trying to convince her of this necessity is the best you can do at the moment if you choose to stay in her life. Please be aware that relationships with schizophrenic people are intensely difficult and draining on all levels. I know this all too well as I once was involved in a similar (but platonic) relationship. So please think this through very carefully before you commit yourself too deeply.

I suggest you research what you are up against. Also, if you scroll down to the bottom of this page, check the "Supporting someone" section...including "Looking after yourself".

No one can make this difficult decision for you. I can only give advice that comes from personal experience. Unless your girlfriend makes the decision to seek treatment, take good care of your own needs and general well being...move on before you get dragged into a toxic world. Sometimes, love is not enough.

My thoughts are with you.