- Beyond Blue Forums
- Caring for myself and others
- Relationship and family issues
- Relationship Help
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Printer Friendly Page
Hi Snoopy welcome
I did write an article about how to approach some men. Google-
"Topic: Talking to men, some tips- beyondblue"
Hope that helps, I feel however a call to relationships Australia would benefit you.
Relationships are not always easy are they!
I don't have children so I have no advice on that side of things, but is there a reason why your daughter still sleeps in your room? That must make it difficult to be intimate to start with I would think.
Have you been to see a Dr or a counsellor to talk about how you are feeling and has your partner regarding his maybe depression and anger issues?
Can you suggest that as a family you go to a park or to a beach for a walk? Exercising together can be more fun then trying to do it by yourself. It might be an opportunity to chat to your fiancé as well, about anything.
Maybe try to add a bit of spice to your lives, think of something different you can do together.
On the internet you will find lists of "50 different things to do to help your relationship. Does he like a special meal? Could you cook that for him, put some candles on the table, maybe ask a family member or friend if that can have your daughter for a few hours so you have some alone time.
Think of what attracted you to each other in the first place and see if you can revamp or reconnect to those times.
Maybe there is something physically wrong with your fiancé when he states he is unwell or exhausted. Does he work long hours or does he have a tough job? Maybe he is exhausted. Would he enjoy a neck or foot massage? IT may help to relax him.
I found the more I needed my husband the more I pushed him away! Once I backed off, then he came to me! It may not work the same with you at all, I am not sure.
Try and find more things that you like doing alone, that way you wont be so dependent on others. I have been doing this and feel a lot happier and calm.
Also look for things you can do together as a family and as a couple.
This is a long post so I will end this now. Hope some of this has been of help to you.
Cheers form Mrs. Dools
You will need help to overcome your daughters fear of sleeping in the same bedroom and as she's 3 years old it would be difficult to be intimate.
You don't know whether this relationship is going the same way as your 2 other relationships, although I could see that it would be easy to feel like that, but don't assume this just yet.
You need to mention to your psychologist about what is happening in your relationship because this could be a huge reason why you aren't feeling well, but you say that you 'want to be comfortable being alone' so is this depression making you feel like this. Geoff. x
Thanks for responding to our posts to you. Maybe some of the guys reading this can add their thoughts on why some guys are reluctant to attend counselling sessions with or without their partners?
My husband came to counselling with me once, he pointed out all of my troubles, and that was it. In the car he told me that was it, everything should be fixed now. Ha. Ha. Oh dear. I had to laugh!
Okay, so you don't have any hobbies or interests, that is okay, you don't have to. Finding something you like to do will add a little pleasure to your life in some small way.
Have you tried the adult colouring books at all? They have great designs and cover all sorts of designs. They are a bit of a craze at the moment. You can buy them from newsagents and many shops. Maybe you could buy one for yourself and a colouring book suitable for your daughter, and colour together.
Have you taken your daughter to see someone about her night terrors? That must be very upsetting and distressing for you all.
Another thing I do so I am not so dependent on my husband is to take myself out somewhere. I will go for a drive to the beach and have a long walk there, go to a café or a hotel for lunch, I take myself to the movies occasionally, go to art shows and craft displays.
Have a look around your area and see what there is close by that you might like to see.
Excuse me if I am prying, but if you work full time, does your daughter go into care? If so, she may have some friends there. You might be able to organise a play day in a park with some of the other parents and children.
There are so many opportunities out there, we just need to find them!
Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools
I just had another read of your introduction post.
I don't think I have ever really felt attractive or happy about the way I look.
Some days I put on my favourite clothes, put on some make up, find my favourite jewellery and prance around feeling better about the world and myself for a while.
Maybe you dress up nicely every day for work anyway, so try it on the weekend. Have a fancy dress lunch with your daughter. Have a bit of fun with it.
I used to do this sort of thing with my nieces.
Cheers again from Mrs. Dools
Hi again Snoopy,
I really like your picture, it is so cute!
Just a thought, change may take time. It is not always easy to stop your old behaviours and try something new. Just take little steps. Maybe try different things to see what is effective.
Beyond Blue have a phone line you can use, the number is 1300 22 4636, they also have a Chat on line service. I have used both. The people assisting and helping out on those services are understanding. I have used them a few times.
Does your fiancé work? If so, you could try changing the routine when he comes home if possible. I am not sure what you do now, but maybe you could ask if he would like a cup of tea, ask him how his day went, would he like to make some plans for a family outing on the weekend?
Ask him about his favourite music when he was a teenager, his favourite movie, anything you can think of about him and see what happens.
Regarding your daughter, seeing your Dr about her behaviour would certainly be a good step. Hopefully you will receive some direction on how to help this issue.
Would it help if you really tired your daughter out so she was exhausted and slept right through the night?
Does she need a light on in her room if she ventures in there by herself at night? Does she play in her room during the day? Maybe you could turn her bed into a princess bed by hanging a decorative mosquito net above her bed.
Is she able to tell you what bothers her at night or is she still too young to be able to do that. Maybe she doesn't understand it herself.
Would some calming music help? I do hope you find something that will help.
Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools