Relationship ending not coping need help
My current boyfriend and I have had a few problems, put the issues aside we have a tear relationship he has taken on my 3 kids and is amazing. We have created something solid, the kids love him they consider his family their family he always told me he wouldn't leave me and i believed him.
there are issues I have when we argue i escalate them and my insecurities and fears of him leaving when we fight are distressing and I done act right.
i am in counselling gettin help from this but his at the point where his unsure and wants to leave me. I love him I don't want to lose him. The build up of fear and emotion and confusion is eating me alive and it's hard to function. I'm lost and broken. I want this man, I want his love now and for ever.
My kida are going to be so hurt as well they love him and want and need him in their life as much as I do.
I have no idea what to do, I don't have much support so it's hard. I'm scared. In hurting I just want to be loved wanted and needed
Hi Bullfrog, welcome to beyond blue forums
A few years ago my wife and I made a few rules that we swore we would abide by after or during an arguement. The rule was- that neither partner would leave the property. So when I'm angry and dont want anymore yelling, I head to my shed. She is not to stalk me nor I her. But in about 20-30 minutes one of us can approach the other and offer coffee. If the other refuses they are to refuse with a thankyou...it means not yet am I ready to talk. The one that refuses has to then, when ready, go and offer the other coffee. Then we sit under our rotunda and chat.
99% of the time our chats are then calm and problems are solved.
Leaving the family home is a no no because it is unsafe for the driver and others on the road and it hurts the one that remains at home. Loving someone shouldnt include hurting them.
You are attending counselling- great. There isnt much more you can do except pledge your love to him and explain your issues fully.
You can read some related threads. use search
Embracing the embracer
Forgiveness and forgetting- the two F's for love
Nip it in the bud- ideas
Talking to men- some tips
dear Bullfrog, I also would like to welcome you to this site.
This is always an awful thought, but what I'd to do here is to mention another similar situation, not really similar but the principle is the same and I no way suggest that this is happening, so please stay with me, as I say the principle is the same.
When a wife continually accuses her husband that he is having an affair, when in fact he's not, but his wife will not accept that he stays loyal to her, so eventually after a long period he thinks to himself, well I'm not having an affair, but she keeps on saying that I am, so why don't I, so out he goes and starts having a relationship with someone else.
It makes no difference if I am or if I'm not, because she keeps on questioning me and thinks I am.
All of your family love this chap, so maybe google this, you may have already but have a look at it 'how to stop accusing my partner that he is going to leave me'.
The other point is that when we have an argument we seem to bring in all the unwanted rubbish into it, whether it applies to any part of what we are discussing, I know it's very easy to do.
Try and make and agreement with him that you won't mention it again, because he will tell you if and when he is going to.
Embrace him, because this is important for you, the kids just as it is for him. L Geoff. x