Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Relationship Ended due to partner's mental health

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hi everyone,

I've been following the forum for quite some time, and it has helped me through my first break up. So this is my first post to the forum, and I hope by sharing my story, it may help those who may find it relatable.

Last year when a friend of mine introduced me to a kind hearted, gentle, and loving person. We both hit it off and we found ourselves in love with each other, and it was our first time in a relationship. We were together for more than a year, and it had been a positive experience even thru out the COVID-19 lockdowns.

But in late March this year, out of the blue, she decided that it's best if we both went separate ways. She explained that she's going through depression and anxiety, and cannot give me the love/time/care that I deserve.
Even though I expressed that I was willing to support her through her tough times, she felt that she does not deserve my love/care/time. In the end, we agreed to go separate ways and remain as friends.

But even though we had agreed to stay as friends, I tried reflecting back on the relationship, thinking what went wrong, how did it come to this, and was in disbelief that this had happened.
I tried to fix our relationship, explaining what I thought might be my flaws that had caused her to feel this way to want a break up.
I even thought, by trying to be a good supportive friend thru her depression, she might feel better and come back to me.
But as I keep doing this, I felt it was very detrimental to both our mental state, and could feel her depression and anxiety episode getting worse.

One day, I decided to ask how she was going, and she said she wasn't feeling well, and will be staying away from messaging for awhile.
I gave her my last few messages of love and care, and decided to give her some space until she's ready to chat again.
I told myself that I've done all I can, but I need to take care of myself too. So from now till whenever she's ready to chat again, or Oct 2nd (as we initially agreed to go watch a play together as friends), I've decided to take the time to improve myself, while remembering the fond memories that we had together as a couple.
I still think about her, and wish she won't have to feel like this forever. But I'm also ready to face the possibility of us never reconnecting with each other again (even as friends).

(I'll make another post on what I've learned from this break up)
10 Replies 10

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
I've learned a lot from this break up, and I hope the points below may help:
- There's a lot I need to learn about depression and anxiety. Mental Health is serious.
- People come and go in our lives, but they will always help make you become a better person.
- In order to love someone, you have to learn to love yourself first (I have identified some insecurity/self-esteem issues, and will work on improving myself).
- There will come a time when we ourselves have to make tough decisions in our lives. But whatever happens, know that everything will be okay, for life goes on. Just like how the sun rises every day because it has no choice.
- To overcome break ups, I try to fill my time with things I love to do, and discover new things to keep my mind busy from sinking into the "what-ifs" and regrets.
- For whatever chance that she stumbles across this post, and if we never reconnect with each other. I wish to tell her:
"For the angel with an extra 'a' for awesome. Please do not feel bad for breaking my heart. You have taught me a lot about life, and know that I will never forget you."

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello jtjt_4862,

What a lovely post. I'm really sad to hear your relationship didn't work out, and I hope posting here about what you've learnt can help lessen the loss.

I am glad to hear that you are trying to find positives in this, like finding ways to become a better person, or discovering new t hings to keep your mind busy. Break-ups can be really tough and it is so easy to fall into the what-ifs and regrets, as you say, so it's so important to find ways to help you move on.

Thanks for posting here - I am sure there are many others going through similar things, who will feel a lot less alone when reading this, and perhaps comforted by some of the lessons you've learnt along the way.


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi James1,

Thank you for your kind message.




I believe you have done the right thing for the both of you. I was in your situation not long ago and I did pretty much the same as you are doing - focusing on improving yourself. The irony is...…. she may also be feleing the same way about you but is dealing with it in a whole different way. People process (cognition) events in a whole different way and sometimes the more venerable ones may struggle to manage their feelings and emotions.

The thing is, you can both be together, however, she need to learn and understand the truth. She needs to l.ove herself and reason why I say this is because the ones that end relationships are experiencing difficulties committing to themselves. They are not as strong mentally and physically.

So I decided to let my (then ex) simmer in his own difficulties. I advised him that he needs to sort him self out. Learn to appreciate himself, learn to love himself and most importantly, learn to value who they are.

My partner came back and attempted to reconnect because he realised all of these things. Ariana's no song POV is without doubt exactly what I mean. I recommend listing to it and watching her video clip (it's gender natural) and you'll understand exactly what most people go through.

Also, one more thing, she needs to accept your flaws - when they do, that's when they feel the love.

Hi Jsua,

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, and your encouragement as well. It was something that I did not realize when I tried 'fixing' things. After talking to a few people about it, it helped me realize that she has her own battles to do too. I hope she'll be able to learn to love herself, and appreciate herself as well.

Btw, the Ariana's song really makes sense! I checked it out and was amazed how accurate it depicts what we've went through. thank you for the recommendation.

Hello Jtjt, and thanks for posting your comment and I'm sure it will help many other people while reading it.

Two people can be in love, but then suddenly one of you is struck down with some type of depression and or anxiety, that may not have anything to do with your relationship, but in the meantime, this illness has slowly changed their personality, something they had never wished would happen.

It may concern another problem outside of your relationship, one that no matter how much they love you, they aren't able to discuss it, only because it has made them become another person, one you might not have seen before and because of this illness aren't able to tell you, because it makes them turn into a different person and feel embarrassed by it.

No matter how much you may want to help them through this, they decide to end or temporarily finish the relationship which causes a great deal of sadness, especially for you.

There may be a chance that during this period she may want to contact you, this isn't for certain but a possibility, then you have to decide whether or not you will accept this, if her illness hasn't been able to be overcome, but once this happens then you might want to get back together, that's something you will need to decide and then be able to discuss what has happened if that's what she wants to do.

Look after yourself and I enjoyed reading your comment.


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi geoff,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I will definitely keep them in mind shall the choice for us to get back together arises. There's still a lot I need to learn about depression and anxiety. As I try to understand more about what my ex is going through, it has given me a different perspective about being a better human to the world; Listen to understand rather than listen to respond. It was something I felt I lacked in when we were both together.

So if life does give us a chance to be together again, I hope we can both agree to take that chance, and work together to make a new and better relationship.

I still think about her every day, and hoping she'll be able to overcome her current illness that has changed her.


Hello Jtjt, thanks for getting back to us.

I wish you all the best, and if I can just say, is that how she feels can change from day to day to any reaction to different circumstances that may be displayed, but she's still a person you'd love to get back with, I'll cross my fingers for you.


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for your support, I very much appreciate it.

To give an update, she's messaged me back with an update saying she's just gone through her first therapy session, and indicated that her reply will be slow mainly because her time is filled mainly by work, as well as working on her own side project after work. But I feel, she might still be feeling emotionally numb, and keeping it that way through working on both her job and her side project. There was another exchange of message about reminding each other to take care of ourselves as the Covid cases are rising.

I'm glad that she's started her therapy session, and even managed to have a tiny talk with her. As much as I'd like to communicate with her more to see how she's going and stuffs, I feel perhaps it's best if I don't and instead just wait till the next time she contacts (or messages) back. I do hope she's doing alright.

Thank you for listening