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With mental health we sometimes find difficulty in separating blame for relationship conflict.
We can attend our professional medical consultant and vent about how bad our mood has been. That bad mood if confined only to our partner and not spread to other relatives and friends, can set off an alarm bell if you have sufficient awareness.
How do we know if its our illness or the relationship under stress? Could we be venting to our psych when it should be a family counselor? Is your partner blaming your mental illness on your battles when he/she is mainly to blame?
I had a defacto once. She loved the pokies and was a closet drinker. When we finally argued about her high level of wine consumption she claimed it was my bipolar moods that "drove me to drink....and thats why I use the pokies to escape your depression". When us fragile sensitive and low self esteem types are told these things we can end up believing it when the claims come from a stronger personality. In effect our insight of knowing we have "problems" combined with our deep feelings leaves us vulnerable.
Some of this topic was covered in the thread (google) Topic: so what are their mental illnesses?- beyondblue
Although that dealt with bullying we should remind ourselves that there is a significant number of undiagnosed people carrying mental illnesses in society.
There is also those of us with mental disorders that have narcissistic partners or partners that are unreasonable, stubborn, abusive, cunning etc that dont quite fall under the banner of mentally unwell by medical standards or because they arent ever assessed you'll never find out anyway. But often you'll be the one to blame because "it isnt me, its you" syndrome.
How do you defend that situation and defend it you must, to enable you to be treated fairly?
Acceptance! Your illness is a part of you like your limbs are and your organs. Your partner for the reason of love should accept that your disabilities are not your fault, you didnt shop for them. Everyone has faults. Faults should not be used as a lever to gain convenient dominance.
Caring for ourselves is a task we already find difficult to master. Finding conflict with the closest person to us should be balanced with love and care and of course returned to them as a partnership should be.
Then there is the other possibility. That their claims are correct. In such cases work close with your doctors.
Do your best...and your best should always be good enough.
Another great post. I have also 'battled' a partner that used to use my anxiety as an excuse for 'blaming' her woes onto me...Your point is rock solid as when we have depression/anxiety we can be 'led' to us actually believing that we are at fault when we arent.
TonyWK mentioned " I had a defacto and she loved the pokies and was a closet drinker. When we finally argued about her high level of wine consumption she claimed it was my bipolar moods that "drove me to drink....and thats why I use the pokies to escape your depression". When us fragile sensitive and low self esteem types are told these things we can end up believing it when the claims come from a stronger personality"
I like what you said about that our partners may be correct and "In such cases work close with your doctors"
Thats very fair and well balanced for both sides Tony