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Relationship break up - dealing with it.

Community Member

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I was her first kiss, let alone anything else, first boyfriend. We are madly in love however we have been going through a rough time. The last month been shaky. She broke up with me last month because she has no time or energy for me anymore. She works at a coffee shop from like 5.30am-12pm most days right? So she's gotta be up at 4am to get ready... then she goes to uni, studying all the time and has gym 5 days a week too. So she's just exhausted and stressed all the time, she often finds herself sleeping whenever she gets a chance (fair enough!) and she's just not got the time for me anymore, she wants to be in a healthy state of mind. She emotionally checked out of our relationship. She loves me but she just can't do it anymore, she is stressed and overwhelmed with everything going on. But we gave it one more go this month, but she called it off for good. She tried to listen to me when I said it would all be okay but she just feels more confused and hopeless about everything. She needs to believe in something before she fully commits to it and she just doesn't think this will work. She's overwhelmed and she's emotionally exhausted. She just feels numb. She says she loves me and would die for me and she will always love me and all that, but she just can't be with me. She wants what she thinks is for the best because she isn't happy doing this anymore, she's overwhelmed and confused. She said it won't make her happy, that she doesn't necessarily want to break up but she needs to end it. We need to move on or whatever. I'm really struggling with how she can do it. She loves me and that's what should matter, I don't care if we have to take a break and she work on herself but she didn't know when she would be okay, she doesn't want to leave us in limbo for this time when she doesn't know what she wants, it'll be too stressful and all.

So my question is how do I deal with it? I obviously feel inadequate, worthless at times. I am hurt that she's doing this even though she's in love with me. I've tried all I can to make alternatives in her life like cutting back work or uni, talking to a therapist or going back on her anti anxiety medication that she used to be on, but she's too stubborn, she thinks she needs to be alone. I'm struggling to deal with it, I always miss her, I find myself sobbing to myself every day and night, I am really struggling entirely and I guess I'm just looking for some advice.

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Broncos, it's never nice to lose someone you love and know that she still loves you but have decided she needs time out, it's difficult to comprehend.
Life for her at the moment is pretty intense, working, going to uni, then studying as well as going to gym, and then to maintain a r/ship with cooking cleaning then shopping, even though you maybe helping her out, as well as in your bedroom, it's still a hectic lifestyle.
Living under this lifestyle can be exhausting for her and there's a chance she maybe feeling a little depressed as well as being anxious, although I'm not qualified to say, but it's reasonable to believe that this maybe happening to her.
If this is the situation then moving out may or may not be benefical for her, but first of all she has to accept that this maybe the reason why she feels this way, so you need to raise this point with her, but it has to be done gently and how you would talk to her in your loving and caring way.
There's a chance she may break down, in some ways that's what I hope because then the problem can be addressed by seeing her doctor, and can I say that any MI has the power to hibernate somebody in how they are feeling.
I would really like to hear back from you. Geoff.

Community Member

Hi Geoff.

First off, thank you for your reply. The circumstances are a little different, we are both 20 years old, full time university students so living together hasn't been able to happen, although we had planned to as soon as we were financially ready. She lives with her parents, 2 blocks from where I live with my parents. She doesn't HAVE to work such hours because she's financially stable living with her parents, they buy the food ect and she just helps out if needed. She however is a big saver and likes to save heaps of money to travel and do the things she wants. She's a very switched on girl so working these hours and putting money away is setting up for her future. With the stress she's under at uni, added on top of the fact she's up at 4am most days working then going straight to uni and gym, makes for one exhausted woman. Whenever she gets some spare time she wants to take a nap or sleep (understandably so), she's barely got time for herself let alone a healthy relationship. I do sort of see her side of things and why she thinks she can't maintain one, but she's not really open to cooperation like seeing a doctor, dropping a unit at uni and focusing on less of a work load, or going onto her anti anxiety meds again, she agrees it will relieve some stress but it won't necessarily make her all of a sudden ready for a relationship again. (Obviously I think that's ok, if she just makes baby steps it could work out). But she's been stubborn. She believes this is what has to happen, and even though it won't make her happy, she thinks it's the right thing to do therefore she wants to do it. Unsure on how I can work through my own pain if she's finding it so easy to just sort of drop the relationship and go back to her jam packed life, she sort of has to fix the problem but isn't willing to other than the break up, you know?

If she's finding it the best thing for her and she's given up, then it obviously didn't mean enough to her in the first place so I'm trying to accept that fact, and move on but am finding it really difficult to do so.