Relationship anxiety??

[Aak]

23 years old

Currently been in a relationship for 9 months. My boyfriend knows I suffer anxiety and depression due to the passing of my sister a few years ago.

He re assures me that he loves me, he will be there whenever I need him and he will never leave my side although,

Every time i feel down, I’m afraid to pick up the phone and call or message him telling him how I’m feeling and to reach out for help because I feel like, as much as he re assures me, he will eventually get sick of hearing my problems and leave me. I get upset at him for not realising how much I’m suffering, and when he retaliates I just put on a happy face to avoid him thinking I’m negative but continue to feel weak and lonely. -I’ve isolated myself from my friends ever since my sister passed away, I’ve got 1-2 friends I see here and there. I feel as if though his my only friend, but his not supporting me in the way I need? His words do not match his actions. I don’t know what to do? Every time I mention it to him, he always turns it around and says “I guess I’m a s#!t boyfriend” I start to feel bad, then tell him not to worry about it and end up apologising. One day he says he loves me, the next day he doesn’t say it at all, which makes me automatically assume his over me. Could it be that my anxiety is playing up on me? I don’t know what to do anymore.

Any suggestions on how to manage this? Do I have relationship anxiety? Someone please help, only getting worse!! 🥺

[Doolhof]

Hi Aak,

One thing I have learnt over the years is that people can not always provide everything that I need and especially not one person. We also need to find ways to help ourselves.

Sounds like your boyfriend does love you and cares for you deeply, he may just not know how to help you at times.

If you don't mind me asking, have you spoken to a counsellor about how you are feeling? Have you been diagnosed with anxiety? If so have you received help with this?

Would you consider using the phone support service for Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 and talk to someone there when you start to feel overwhelmed?

I try to be honest with my husband when I am not doing well. He knows then it is my depression and not him that I am upset about. He does not always know how to help me. He might offer to make me a cup of tea as that is all he can do at that period of time.

Going through mental health issues is not easy for the person experiencing it nor for their loved ones. Hope you find some answers and are able to appreciate it when your boyfriend does try to help you.

All the best from Dools